Been Here All Along

by Sandy Hall

It’s never too early to remind me that I’m Lilliputian.”

Kyle definitely prefers the simpler things in life. Sports, video games, Lord of the Rings, even though I keep telling him he can’t be a true Tolkien fan without reading the books. He pretends he can’t hear me when I say stuff like that.

Gideon is a model son.

Ezra. He’s got the raddest freaking tattoos all over his body, and instead of going to college, he decided to move to California and become a professional surfer.

“I had a Lord of the Rings marathon last night,” I tell him after I place our order. “Is that why you were actually running late?” “Um, maybe,” I say. “You watched without me? I thought we were saving it for spring break.” “Well, we were, but I don’t know, I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking too much about coming out to Ruby. I only watched the first two and not the extended editions!”

It didn’t keep them from passing notes in Elvish.

I put on Parks and Recreation in hopes that it will lull me to sleep. But then Leslie Knope is going on about time management and binders and getting things done, and I know what I need to do.

I could be in a remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito classic Twins.

About halfway through, I realized that I should probably be writing this one in Elvish, too, but it’s getting late and I’m having focusing issues.

“I left my mom’s car at school,” I say, starting to laugh. “I’m such an idiot.” “Oh my God. You fool of a Took.” And for that one brief moment, things feel normal.

Furthermore, he’s the one who said at the beginning of the marathon that Elijah Wood was cute and then later told me that I remind him of Elijah Wood. If that’s not a pickup line, then I have no idea what a pickup line is.

“So I’m in love with Kyle.” “Oh. Okay.” I steeple my fingers and pretend to be his shrink. “And I want to tell him. But I also feel like maybe I should tell him I’m gay before I tell him I’m in love with him. You know, like one thing at a time.”

“I’d kind of hoped we’d bond over this,” he says. “You know, you’re bi, I’m gay. They could make a reality show about us on Bravo or something.” He’s still not looking at me, and I don’t know if I want him to. I close my eyes and try to chase down a coherent thought in my muddled brain. “Why didn’t you trust me?” I ask. “I trust you,” he says, looking over at me. His eyes are startled in the harsh glow of the front porch light.

“But, like, are you…” He pauses and squeezes his eyes shut like the embarrassment of asking this question is too much to take. “Are you my boyfriend?” “Only if you’re mine,” I say. He leans his head back and smiles at the sky. “Obviously.”

My dad is the first to break the silence. “Is that what you’ve been so nervous about?” “Well, yeah.” And then something completely bizarre and unexpected happens. My mother leaps up from the table and comes around to hug me. She squeezes my head and kisses my cheek. “I am so happy for you, Gideon,” she says, in between kisses. “I was getting so worried that you didn’t show any interest in girls or anyone. I kept thinking you were going to end up alone.”

“You were about to say something else, weren’t you, Gideon?” my dad says. “You might want to get it out now, before your mother starts nitpicking about your brother’s tattoos again.” “Yeah, yes. Um, the other thing is that I’m kind of dating Kyle.” This news barely seems to faze them. “That’s so nice for you boys, honey,” my mom says.

“But honestly, how can you be so sure about all this?” “I don’t know. I guess I figure one of us has to be. You’ll pick up the slack somewhere else in the relationship. Isn’t that kind of how it’s always been with us?”

ball up the extra blanket I grabbed for us to use as a pillow. I lie back on it and then Gideon lays his head on my chest. It feels just the way it’s supposed to. An older woman walks past us and says, “Aren’t you two just adorable?” Gideon hides his face in my chest and groans in embarrassment.

“I’m just really happy,” he says, rolling away from me and leaning up on his elbow. “I’m so happy it makes me want to hide, because I don’t know what to do with it all. I want to store it up and save it for winter.”

I pitch my voice low and whisper in his ear. “I can’t make fun of you because I feel the exact same way.”

We walk back over to the school building, and I tell him all about the meeting where they decided that part of why I got so good at compensating was thanks to learning Elvish. Gideon loves it. He eats it right up.

“I like the boyfriend thing. I think we were pretty good at that,” he says, lifting his eyes toward mine and smiling. “Oh,” I repeat, feeling my shoulders deflate in relief. “I liked that thing, too.”

love that you know when to ask if I need help.” “I love that you edited my Kyle notebook,” I say. “I love how you read ridiculously long books and then recommend them to me even though you know I’ll never touch them.”