How to Judge People by What They Look Like

by Edward Dutton

Research has found that, when it comes to opposite sex friends, the male tends to primarily find his female friends physically attractive. By contrast, the female is primarily attracted to the psychological aspects of the male friend: it is his character that she finds most attractive (Bleske-Rechek et al., 2016). This is entirely consistent with the broader finding that males having nothing to lose from the sexual counter and thus may as well be promiscuous and copulate with as many healthy (and thus good looking) women as possible. Thus, males are evolved to focus on physical attractiveness in finding a mate, though psychological characteristics are also relevant. Females are evolved to prize psychological characteristics over physical ones (Buss, 1989). Thus, the dynamics of opposite sex friendships are very similar to those of sexual relationships: the opposite sex friends, as it were, ‘like’ each other, but not quite enough. Bleske and Buss (2000) found that the female friend sees herself as getting physical protection and investment from the male (which the male sees as costs) while the male gets a potential sexual partner (which the female sees as a cost). Both sexes get somebody agreeable and dependable (Lewis et al., 2011). Interestingly, the male was more likely to still regard the relationship as merely a ‘friendship’ once it had turned sexual, implying that part of the motivation is sex without commitment – a ‘friend with benefits’ (Bleske & Buss, 2000).