We're All Damaged

by Matthew Norman

Cut, color, clarity, carat. The four Cs of engagement ring shopping.

Neal’s mom, Gloria, released two stunned-looking doves into the sky when it was over. They landed on a nearby power line where they shat furiously and glared at us while we blew bubbles in the church parking lot.

We hold on to the shitty things the tightest, for some reason. And this is the shittiest thing ever.

You can get kids to do basically anything for an Oreo. Parenting is mostly bribery . . . and yelling.