We're All Damaged

by Matthew Norman

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a snob. I don’t have a problem with Applebee’s per se. But I think we can all agree, as a civilized society, that lives shouldn’t change there.

Hahahaha.

However, what’s equally possible is that she arrived, took one look at me sitting here, and bolted. I can talk to this guy for the next few hours, she could very well have thought. Or I can go home and put on some Crest Whitestrips and watch The Bachelorette.

“Yep. Twenty bucks. I just got Urban Death Fight III for my PS2,

What is this, 2006?

‘Guess what happened at work today, honey.’ And he’s gonna tell . . . Wait, what’s your mother-in-law’s name?” “Ex-mother-in-law,” I say. “And it’s Bonnie.” “Bonnie? Jesus, really? That’s perfect. Like she was born to be someone’s mother-in-law.