Release

by Patrick Ness

I love you but . . . It was always, always, “I love you but . . .”

His chest still burned, so much he couldn’t tell where the anger stopped and the wound began. Because there was always a wound, it seemed, kept freshly opened by a family who also kept saying they loved him.

“Little girls aren’t naturally lost,” Karen said, frowning as she scanned saucepans. “Someone makes them that way.”

Maybe love made you stupid. Maybe loneliness did.

Linus kissed him again. “I wasn’t kidding. I know it’s high school. I know we’re young. I know these things may or may not last or even if they should. But I love you, Adam Thorn. Today, right now, I do.”

“I used to think this was how everyone’s life was. That everyone sat around the dinner table talking about the End Times.” “We do. We just mean another Republican presidency.”

“They’re your parents. They’re meant to love you because. Never in spite.”

And maybe, Adam thought, maybe hearts don’t ever stop breaking once broken. Maybe they just keep on beating, until they’re broken again, and then they keep on beating still. His heart was broken just at the sight of Enzo, it longed to touch him again, even after all that Enzo had done.

God, do you know how little I think I have? How much I think goes wrong for me? With my parents and work and Angela moving away?” “But that’s all true, kinda,” Linus said, gently. “Don’t pretend things aren’t–” “Yeah, but they’re not the only things that are true. There’s so much more that’s also true.”

I want you to actually be there. All of you. Not seventy percent with the rest still wondering if Enzo is ever going to come back after burrowing so far into the closet it’s like he’s looking for straight Narnia.”