Parents Rising: 8 Strategies for Raising Kids Who Love God, Respect Authority, and Value What's Right

by Arlene Pellicane

Consider that kids and teenagers who share family dinners three or more times per week: • Are less likely to be overweight • Are more likely to eat healthy foods • Perform better academically • Are less likely to engage in risky behaviors such as drugs, alcohol, and sexual activity • Have better relationships with their parents

Studies show teens who have more positive communication with their parents over mealtimes are emotionally healthier and less likely to smoke, drink, and get into trouble in school.

Mealtime rituals are important whether you have toddlers or teens, providing a very important sense of belonging to children.

Look for recipes with five or six ingredients or less to simplify meal preparation. I think the best thing you can do is cook ahead.

Have your kids help you because when they are involved, they are more likely to try something new. Kids are picky. They are naturally distrustful of new things. Don’t be discouraged if you give your child broccoli and he says no way. It takes at least ten times for a kid to try something and accept it. Your child might not eat something now, but they may soon. Be curious about trying new things yourself.

The foods we eat, and the person who prepares them for us, have the capacity to shape who we are as people, both physically and spiritually. The dishes you consume contribute to the very makeup of your physical health, but also the kind of person you are. I was very blessed to have a mother who was conscientious and compassionate about nurturing both.7

Obesity isn’t just a problem in the United States. There is not a single country that has seen a decrease in obesity in the last three decades. We’re dealing with a worldwide epidemic.10

We need to put good, healthy foods in front of our children. Your child needs vitamins, minerals, complex carbohydrates, and protein to provide the building blocks for necessary growth and development. You are creating a human being out of the ingredients you are putting in your kids’ lunchboxes and on the dining table.

Family mealtime is the perfect place to teach your children good manners.

The more civilized you act at home, the more civilized your children will act in public.

Make your home a training ground so your children know how to act appropriately whether in a corner deli or a four-star hotel for their aunt’s wedding reception.

Don’t allow phones or iPads at the table, so your kids will be able to sit in a restaurant without a digital pacifier. They will gain the much-needed skill of communication, as nothing kills conversation faster than a head turned down toward a screen. Require your children to help set the table and clean up the dishes. They learn teamwork and responsibility, while enjoying the benefits of being needed and important to t...

Be mindful of the tone you bring to the dinner table.

Learn how to keep your conflicts private, remaining calm while around the dinner table.

Family mealtime is for connecting and creating joy, not for arguing or adding tension to an already stressful life. Speak kind and uplifting words to each other for “gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Prov. 16:24).

Meals are a time to talk about the day and encourage one another.

You as parents should also exercise some control over conversations that take a negative turn. You can keep the conversation good-spirited.

Knowing when to wrap it up is also important, especially if you have a bunch of talkers at the table. You know when it’s time to move the family on to clean up or get on to homework and other activities.

If your family is quiet and you’re not sure how to begin, there are many resources available like 101 Conversation Starters for Families by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ramon Presson. You’ll find great questions and prompts such as: Name one talent you wish you had. If you had a magic wand and could change anything in your life right now, what would it be? What is the best reason you can think of not to use alcohol or drugs? Talk about a time when it felt good to help someone.11

But kids weren’t meant to shoulder the heavy burdens you may be bearing. Don’t talk about money problems at the dinner table. Parents need adult friends to confide in, so kids don’t become counselors. Keep the little in your children by protecting them emotionally.

You shouldn’t celebrate with food every day, but you can certainly plan and anticipate family celebrations with favorite foods.

You see, the meal doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. It just needs to be a little out of the ordinary and celebrated with words of affirmation.

“Look for reasons to celebrate together around the table. Make a toast. Pop the sparkling grape juice. Set the table with the fine china. Fold the napkins into fancy designs.”12

Open up your home for celebrations over food.

The world is starving for communion over a table in this fast-food, busy, impersonal world.

Reach out to others by inviting them to share a table with you. Not only will your guests be extremely blessed by your kindness, your children will see a living model of hospitality. They will think it’s normal to serve as a host—and that’s a good thing.

The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there’re much more dying for a little love.13

Make your home a place where love is freely given, first to the honored guests who live there, and second to all who visit.

Physical food is necessary, but feeding one’s soul is even more important.

How many meals do you eat together per week as a family? Only count screen-free meals when family members are talking to each other.