Mr. Flood's Last Resort
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Read between March 3 - March 5, 2019
5%
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An artifact has washed up, knocking, on my shore. But why my shore?
5%
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There are more things in heaven and earth, but rarely are they this direct or comprehensible in their methods. 2. I hardly read Biba Morel’s legal disclaimer, but if I had paid more attention I would have noted the words: council raid, booby traps, ingenious mechanisms, police caution. 3. Quick reflexes and heavy cookware will turn the tide in all but the most desperate situations.
9%
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as a geologist or a holistic private detective. Or even a life that combined both, allowing her to solve gemstone-related misdemeanors mindfully.
10%
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“You see why it’s better not to have children?” she says. “For one day you will be worth more to them dead than alive.”
12%
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I’m barefoot and wearing, of all things, a voluminous white Victorian nightie, which is just asking for trouble.
13%
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like David turning up at Goliath’s with rubber gloves and a risk assessment and wondering where the hell to aim.
13%
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Like Lassie but with more stealth and less barking.
30%
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Why wouldn’t the dead be found roaming in supermarkets? Death, like life, is probably quite routine. Not unpleasant, just a bit dreary, the best any of us can hope for.
39%
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They are like sunlit happy scenes moments before a disaster.
45%
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Memory is like a wayward dog. Sometimes it drops the ball and sometimes it brings it, and sometimes it doesn’t bring a ball at all; it brings a shoe.
54%
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Madame Sabine says: If you meet a squinting woman be sure to give her the time of day lest MISFORTUNE befall you.
56%
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Two downcast women in a maisonette with a bottle of krupnik.”
58%
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Sure what would I be doing inviting people round to detest me in person on my birthday?”
80%
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I stare at her: all my fictions are coming true.