The Path Between Us: An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships

by Suzanne Stabile

At their best, Threes can morph into whatever the situation requires. But this can also be true when they’re at their worst.

Threes deceive themselves.

Since their orientation to time is to the future, they’re often distracted during conversations. It usually means something you’ve said has triggered some thoughts for them about something else and they unexpectedly prefer to pursue that line of thinking. Don’t take the distraction personally.

For Fours, an extraordinary friendship or relationship should never be remembered in an ordinary way.

Ones often struggle with repressed emotions, so Fours can teach Ones to connect to their feelings as opposed to being trapped in right/wrong thinking. Ones can help Fours identify when their feelings transition from authentic to self-indulgent.

Fours we know who offer something that is just a little different

This thinking has serious implications for relationships since it means that Fives often don’t do their part, ignoring responsibilities at work and at home.

When Sixes are in a relationship with a One, their anxiety is often increased because they never feel good enough. This needs to be acknowledged and discussed, otherwise the One will feel like they are alone in trying to get things done.

Encourage Sixes to act when they are overthinking. They tend to confuse thinking about something with doing something about it.

They avoid limitations—especially those imposed by someone else—and they avoid direct confrontation. Using humor and intentional distraction, they can slip away from trouble almost without being noticed.

But more than any other number I think they feel trapped, caught between their seemingly endless need for stimulation and the needs of others.

1s: Sevens can learn from observing Ones in relation to boundaries, self-control, and completing tasks. Ones can benefit from the lightheartedness and spontaneity of Sevens. It’s a good exchange.

Sevens don’t like to limit personal options. Threes don’t like to limit how many hours they will work. This one is tricky—it requires being intentional about communication.

Fours and Sevens are more alike than we might think. In fact, it’s very difficult to tell them apart as children. But they present as opposites in adulthood because of their respective emotional preferences. Fours see the glass as half empty; Sevens see it as half full. If they are willing to honor their differences while trying to bridge them, they have a lot to offer one another.