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January 5 - January 9, 2021
To be friends with an Eight, you will need to be trustworthy and safe, and the relationship needs to be reliable but free of expectations.
I think many Eights live a lifetime believing they must ignore their softer feelings in order to get the job done.
Even though Eights are strong and assertive, don’t forget that they still need care.
If Eights are not happy with you, they tell you. If they don’t tell you but seem a little distant, it most likely has nothing to do with you.
Eights sometimes mistake tenderness for manipulation.
“I am very, very good at doing things and convincing everyone that what I’m doing is important to do. But the truth is, I’m energized by my neglect of that other thing that I should be doing but don’t want to do.”
a critic that you can’t hear, but that finds fault with most of what Ones do and think, and tells them they are flawed in some terrible, unredeemable way.
1 After finishing a project, Ones often focus on what could have been done better instead of celebrating its completion.
Ones are also much harder on themselves than they are on anyone else, and that they deeply regret it when their patience is limited and their expectations are unreasonable—especially at home.
For Twos, the relationship is always about the other person.
I want responses from other people that show that they appreciate me, but I don’t want to ask for them, and if I do receive accolades from others I have no idea how to handle them.
After the service, I desperately want a line to form and to hear people say, ‘That was the best sermon I’ve ever heard,’ but when I do hear that I can’t trust it. So, I wouldn’t say I actually enjoy it. It’s like something I need that I am not able to savor.
I need people to affirm me and my work, but I can’t receive it so I’ve learned to deflect it.
Twos feel the feelings of others and find it very difficult to tell you what they actually feel.
With such a focus on others, there is little energy left for knowing ourselves, so the hardest questions anyone ever asks me are ‘What do you want?’ and ‘What are you feeling?’
Twos generally don’t see themselves as worthy of needing anyone’s help.
Twos are afraid to express a need or desire because if no one responds, they fear they won’t be able to manage the pain and disappointment.
the satisfaction of giving wears off when the expectations from others outweigh the gratitude Twos receive.
they give until they’re empty, and then they return to their own lives tired and lacking any energy to care for themselves.
feel unappreciated, taken for granted, tired, and afraid. Their fear is primarily because their self-worth is determined by their giving.
If they have nothing left to offer, they struggle to know whether they ...
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2 Twos are more comfortable with affection than any other Enneagram number.
When Twos begin to describe their feelings with words like drained, resentful, tired, and frustrated, that is often their way of asking for help.
Twos make their way by reading the feelings of others and then doing something in response.
When Twos are experiencing a lot of anxiety and fatigue, it’s usually a signal that they need to stop, consider all that they are involved in, discern what is theirs to do, appropriately pass on to others what is not theirs to do, and think about what’s going on rather than continuing to react emotionally from their automatic desire to identify and meet the needs of others.
I was blinded by my feeling of rejection from that one individual and did not stop to think about the room full of people who were engaged. I gave away all of my power to this one disgruntled man. Twos often go after the one they don’t have, risking relationships with others in the process.
Two response is usually to cover their loneliness by doubling their efforts to help.
Twos need to practice verbalizing what they want and need—it will be good for both.
Twos have a hard time trusting people when they say, “I’m not going anywhere,” or “You can count on me if you need me.”
in my heart, I have struggled to believe I’m worth it.
the next step is believing that I can trust the belonging that is available to me.
Twos want to make sure everyone has a seat at the table, but they need to be aware that they need to take their seat as well.
2 Twos have such a strong desire for connection that they can easily be too personal and just too much for others.
When they’re trapped in a pattern of unhealthy responses, Twos are controlling and possessive and insecure.
When Twos start to feel separated from others, they create circumstances where they will be needed.
they pull others in with self-pity.
the people Twos love the most get the leftovers—Twos
Twos assume that any problem in a relationship is their fault. They are very slow to leave relationships and generally fall into the trap of believing they can make a big enough commitment to cover both sides.
a man who pets honeybees is a man who believes that it’s worth the risk of a sting for the possibility of a connection.
it’s a lifelong challenge for them to accept that not every connection is intended to become a relationship.
other people are meeting your needs in their own way. It may not be the way you would do it, but it’s just as good.
you are well loved.
you are worthy of being loved and yo...
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Twos experience anxiety when they recognize that they are feeling their own feelings. They don’t know a lot about how to act on their own behalf.
Twos can only process verbally. They don’t think things through—they talk their way through them. You can avoid so much misunderstanding by keeping this in mind.
Twos want honest feedback, but they take everything personally. So if you say, “I don’t like your spaghetti recipe,” they hear, “I don’t like you.” You don’t need to remind them that it isn’t personal; they know that and they’re trying to outgrow that way of thinking.
In an intimate relationship, Twos need to hear you say, “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. There’s nothing you need to do, there’s nothing you need to be, and there’s nothing you need to help me with. I love you for you.”
Encourage Twos to let you address your...
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counterphobic Six. She likes to provide security for others by creating structure where people can gather and feel safe.
Of the nine personality types, they are the most concerned about the common good.
