The Path Between Us: An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships

by Suzanne Stabile

Third, it would be great if you would spend your energy observing and working on yourself as opposed to observing and working on others.

It can feel like Eights don’t care about us, but the fact is they simply aren’t thinking about us—they are thinking about what needs to be done next.

When Nines are able to entertain the idea that their presence matters, it has a positive effect on all of their encounters with others, especially those they love the most.

When it comes to relationships, it’s really important to remember that you can’t change how you see—you can only change what you do with how you see.

When Ones feel anger, they deny it, stuff it, rename it, move on—and then they manage it by perfecting something that is within their control,

They believe they’re thinking all the time. The truth is that an ongoing internal dialogue with that pesky critic is not the same thing as thinking.

When Ones are experiencing too much stress, they begin to assign moral value to mistakes.

“When the world is going to hell, I clean my bathroom.”

The emotional needs of Ones are often repressed, so Ones can learn from Fours how to focus on feelings rather than falling into the pattern of dualistic thinking.

Ones and Eights are both dualistic, right/wrong thinkers, both think they’re right most of the time, and both have a tendency at times to react without thinking things through. On the more positive side, Ones appreciate that Eights are so free while Eights admire the discipline of Ones.

If you can’t stand what you’re looking at, it might help to move.

Twos are really good at offering a place for belonging to other people but not to themselves.

“I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. There’s nothing you need to do, there’s nothing you need to be, and there’s nothing you need to help me with. I love you for you.”

Ones often struggle with repressed emotions, so Fours can teach Ones to connect to their feelings as opposed to being trapped in right/wrong thinking. Ones can help Fours identify when their feelings transition from authentic to self-indulgent.

Our challenge is to allow each other the room to deal with life in our own way, make space for our differences, and respect the needs of the other.

What many of us give from our excess, Fives give from their substance.