The Path Between Us: An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships

by Suzanne Stabile

The truth is that what we see and the way we see also determine what we miss.

Ones appreciate equity—they work hard and they expect the same from you. Ones need you to be loyal and trustworthy because they are.

From the perspective of the Two, they give until they’re empty, and then they return to their own lives tired and lacking any energy to care for themselves. They feel unappreciated, taken for granted, tired, and afraid. Their fear is primarily because their self-worth is determined by their giving. If they have nothing left to offer, they struggle to know whether they have any value at all.

Twos make their way by reading the feelings of others and then doing something in response. They don’t think about what they’re experiencing, so the lack of productive thinking in situations and relationships doesn’t show itself until Twos come to a full stop. The satisfying interplay between feeling and doing has a rhythm that is so comfortable for Twos, they are unaware of the cost of their overdoing, overgiving, overrelating, and underthinking. When Twos are experiencing a lot of anxiety and fatigue, it’s usually a signal that they need to stop, consider all that they are involved in, discern what is theirs to do, appropriately pass on to others what is not theirs to do, and think about what’s going on rather than continuing to react emotionally from their automatic desire to identify and meet the needs of others.

Twos need to look for happiness from the inside out as opposed to expecting it to always come from somewhere or someone outside of themselves. Twos are really good at offering a place for belonging to other people but not to themselves. Healthy relationships demand that you have a strong sense of yourself when you’re alone. If Twos ask, Who am I when I’m alone? they will be surprised by what they discover. Yes, Twos want to make sure everyone has a seat at the table, but they need to be aware that they need to take their seat as well.

learn to meet your needs from the inside out instead of from the outside in. learn to commit to fewer relationships and enjoy them more.

Twos can only process verbally. They don’t think things through—they talk their way through them. You can avoid so much misunderstanding by keeping this in mind.

Fours long so deeply for what they don’t have that they often miss what they do have.

The need to learn is not incompetence, it’s inexperience.

sometimes trust is a decision.

Your head and your heart will lie to you but your body will not.