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July 2 - July 7, 2020
4s: Fours and Sevens are more alike than we might think. In fact, it’s very difficult to tell them apart as children. But they present as opposites in adulthood because of their respective emotional preferences. Fours see the glass as half empty; Sevens see it as half full. If they are willing to honor their differences while trying to bridge them, they have a lot to offer one another.
I think we’re living in a time where we need some healthy optimism. We need some dreamers—some people who aren’t afraid to dream bigger dreams. I’ll be one of the first to criticize or be critical of someone who is tone-deaf or blind to racial or gender issues. But at the same time, I don’t want people to be stripped of their bigger visions for community, and being together, and their belief in what love does when it’s allowed to flourish in our communities. As much as people might think I’m being naive and superficial, I still want to hold on to the possibility of hope and joy.
The most helpful thing for me in learning the spiritual aspect of the Enneagram was giving myself permission to not do it the way the Fours in my life do it. My mom and my husband are Fours. They are both introverts. They’re deep thinkers and deep feelers, and they’re contemplative by nature. I’m a party-thrower by nature. That looks a lot less spiritual to a lot of people. But I would say the first thing was giving myself permission to not be like a desert mystic and instead to offer my greatest gift, spiritual or not, which is hospitality. I think it’s one of the ways God uses my life, and I
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It is what it is.
sometimes life is boring, and there is no way for you to reframe that. You just have to live through it. relationships are as valuable for personal growth as they are for enjoyment. people may presume that you don’t go deep because you’re interested in a lot of things. your behavior is often both alienating and charming at the same time. the avoidance of painful, personal feelings doesn’t work well in a long-term relationship.
In my experience, when Sevens really begin to work on themselves, the people around them are quick to say, “What happened to you? You used to be so much fun.” Those of us who love Sevens need to be careful
Don’t try to get Sevens to commit to specific routines and schedules. They need spontaneity and flexibility. Sevens need the other person in the relationship to have his or her own energy and interests. Don’t depend on Sevens for constant companionship. When criticism is necessary, be gentle and brief. If you want to share your feelings with a Seven, by all means do that. But do not process your feelings with a Seven. You will need to do that with someone else. Sevens love to be with people, and they really value time alone. It will help if you contribute to making both happen. It’s not
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One of the best gifts you have to offer a Seven is encouraging them to allow and experience a full range of emotions. Most adults who are not Sevens have forgotten how to play. Invite a Seven to teach you about the gift of playing. Sevens need the space to freely express their ideas. If you decide to go a different direction, that’s completely okay with them. When Sevens really want something that is within your purview to give them, they are very persistent. It’s like being pecked to death by chickens. Be attentive to their stories. The telling of their stories is often the way they express
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will be up to all of us to protect our relationships from anger, fear, and shame; to be compassionate when we see others struggling to think productively, act intentionally, and feel deeply; and to take seriously what others say about how they experience us in relationships,
