The Path Between Us: An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships

by Suzanne Stabile

Here are some additional ways you can build better relationships with the Eights in your life: Even though Eights are strong and assertive, don’t forget that they still need care. If you don’t stand up for yourself, if you are not forthcoming, if you fail to be honest, and if you are indirect, then you are invisible to Eights. Don’t beat around the bush: Eights want communication to be brief, straightforward, and truthful. Be aware that Eights are controlling in relationships simply because they don’t want to be controlled. Bring your best effort to anything you do. Do what you say you will do and let them know you are all in—or not. Eights don’t like it when you talk behind their back—and they don’t understand why you would. Given the opportunity, they would say to you, “Why would you tell somebody else what you think about me? Tell me. I can handle it.” If Eights are not happy with you, they tell you. If they don’t tell you but seem a little distant, it most likely has nothing to do with you. Acknowledge the contributions that Eights make, but don’t flatter them because they neither trust nor need flattery. Encourage Eights to exercise regularly. A good exercise program uses up some of their excess energy. Be aware that Eights sometimes mistake tenderness for manipulation. Intensity is always well-received. Be secure and strong in yourself and in what you think and believe. Keep in mind that Eights are often unaware of how they affect others.