The Amazing Dr. Ransom's Bestiary of Adorable Fallacies: A Field Guide for Clear Thinkers

by Douglas Wilson

False Analogy Description: A fallacy of form that, ignoring differences, compares one situation to another to draw the desired conclusion. Alternate Names: Broken Metaphor

Hasty Generalization Description: A fallacy of form that draws a broad conclusion based on a too-small sample size. Alternate Names: Apriorism, Converse Accident

Sweeping Generalization Description: A fallacy of form that applies a general rule absolutely, regardless of reasonable exceptions. Alternate Names: Painting with a Broad Brush

Cool-Shame Description: A millennial fallacy that superciliously excludes people who do not confess to a cultural elite’s previously held ideals and flatteringly includes them if they do. Alternate Names: The Inner Ring, Zeitgeysering

Milquetoastery is an argument for inaction due to the risk of consequences, mild or otherwise.

Milquetoastery Description: A millennial fallacy that, while perhaps personally convinced, refuses to take a stand on an unpopular positionsolely because of the risk of consequences. Alternate Names: Appeal to Consequences, Risk-Whingeing

When someone collects random information “scientifically,” meaning that it is done by people with clipboards, the problem is the same, only bigger.

Polling Fallacy Description: A millennial fallacy that considers polling results to be the unimpeachable last word in a discussion. Alternate Names: Bad Science

I don’t know the Latin name for it, but we always called it the Poor Buddy.

Hooked on a Feeling Description: A millennial fallacy that refuses to believe an opponent’s argument solely because of a negative feeling about that argument. Alternate Names: Appeal to Microagression,Whistling in the Dark

Reluctant evangelical: “Look, based on a poll of this month’s autocephalous bishop synod of the Eastern Orthodox Church, EOs have a much higher view of authority than Baptists (60 percent higher).

That’s the reason I’m abandoning my church vows and moving to Georgia (the country, not the state). You know.”

Ad Imperium Description: A millennial fallacy that avoids personal obligation by appealing to government. Alternate Names: Statist Solutioneering, There Oughtta Be a Law

I did not. Nor did I care. But she began counting. Out loud. So as to prevent further discussion of the actual subject at hand.

Hyperlogicism Description: A millennial fallacy that sidetracks reasonable argument with a multitude of discussions about detailed, insignificant facts that are not at the root of the issue. Alternate Names: Logic Chopping, Spocking, Objectioneering

Your opponent is offering Irrelevant Theses, which means you are accidentally attacking Straw Men (based on the false front your opponent has put up). Figure out what actually matters to them and get at the root of the matter (because 98 percent of the time, the root won’t be some “fact” your opponent was not aware

If your goal is to obligate your audience to believe the truth (as it should be), don’t let your audience waste your time and energy “defeating” a logical argument that, in reality, they don’t care about (or at least, is only of derivative importance to their position). What’s the crux? Ethos: proof by means of character (yours or an authority’s). Pathos: proof by means of emotion. Logos: proof by means of reason and argument. It’s irrelevant.

A man self-reports that generosity is really essential to him—giving to others is what fulfills him. “But,” one with a front-row seat on his life might say, “I’ve never seen you give to anyone.”

A girl says that she has recently discovered that she is an introvert (and is quite tortured by all the parties she is constantly throwing).

A government passes a law giving itself full and complete access to the private communications of all the citizenry (those are the facts). Why do they do this? Because they are just so darn patrio...

My good friend Rudyard Kipling first described this fallacy to me in the midst of a rather cynical exhortation. “Ransom,” he said. “Never believe any man’s description of his own strengths, and only believe half of his descriptions of his own weaknesses. Self-reported values are announced based on how a man or nation would like to be perceived. The actual fa...

According to various American presidents, they really love freedom. Which is why they keep seizing more of it from us.

The Stacker is an odd pair of symbiotic creatures that never quite look the same due to changing values.

Facts must have something to do with value . . . if facts have value.

Two-Story Fallacy Description: A millennial fallacy that denies any relationship between the truth of facts and the truth of values. Alternate Names: The Self-Report, Fungus Face

When ascending into the pulpit, I doubt the poor man would have been able to say anything at all.

Sensitivity Shamming Description: A millennial fallacy that uses a hypothetical hostile audience’s sensitivities to curtail further discussion of a position or argument. Alternate Names: Shamstering

You: “What if a spoiled frat kid who is in process of ruining his life through lack of self-control heard me? Shouldn’t I be even stronger with my claims in that case? And anyway, I’m talking to you

Moving the Goalposts Description: A millennial fallacy that suddenly disregards relevant evidence presented in response to a specific claim under the pretense of demanding other, greater evidence. Alternate Names: Cheating, Shifting Onus Probandi

It was Johnston. “As sure as I am standing here!” I exclaimed, trying to get ten pounds of epistemic certainty into the five-pound bag of that innocent little sentence.

PoMo Relativism: Description: A millennial fallacy that contradicts or rejects absolute truth absolutely. Alternate Names: Morphous Relativating

Philosophy Prof: “Never, ever do what anybody (except me) tells you to do. Rules squash creativity and spirit.”