Adjustment Day

by Chuck Palahniuk

“This is the senator,” the voice had announced. “Yes.” Walter had gone on watching Talbott for any signs of approval or disapproval. “You need to introduce the War Resolutions Act.” Talbott had explained the situation. How the youth bulge of surplus males threatened to destabilize this country as well as any number of foreign nations. The act would catalyze the induction of a million young men into the military, and these men would be pitted against equal forces conscripted in other countries. It wasn’t lost on Walter that whenever events in the world went south it was always men his age who’d be dispatched to clean up the mess. Walter had told the senator, “Mr. Talbott would like the war to commence no later than the opening day of grouse hunting.” “Of course,” the senator had said. Unless Walter had been mistaken, the man had been panting for breath as if he’d sprinted to reach the phone. Talbott had explained that a world war would reduce the surplus of labor. The global manufacturing markets would explode with growth. Finally, Walter had imagined he could see some big money at the end of this very long tunnel. He’d told the senator, “Mr. Talbott sends his best wishes to your wife.” “Of course,” the senator had said. “Thirty seconds,” had barked Talbott from his chair. Tipsy with power, Walter had baited the man on the phone. “How is Mrs. Senator?” The senator had hesitated. “She’s fine, sir.” To date Walter had never been addressed as “sir,” and it felt surprisingly go...