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That wanting someone to be something they’re not won’t make it happen.”
“Afraid that I’ll miss my chance to meet him.” Because no matter how many times I’ve lain in bed, wondering why my father didn’t love me enough, the little girl inside me still desperately wants him to.
“Maybe you should get to know Wren, just because. And stop looking for reasons to keep hating him.”
“By being in his favorite place, high up in the sky, getting away from everything he’d lost down on the ground.”
Wren’s family to me. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him.”
Do you realize what kind of hell you’ve invited into your life, you foolish girl?
And then Jonah leans down and skates his mouth across mine, in a kiss softer than I could ever imagine him capable of. His lips taste like mint toothpaste and the brown sugar from my oatmeal, and the soft, freshly cut hair of his beard tickles my skin in an oddly intimate way. I can’t breathe.
ahhhh!!!! FINALLY
And then he’s kissing me without hesitation,
I’m becoming addicted to making him laugh.
❤️
“Why did you kiss me today?” “Because I wanted to, and I knew you wanted me to.”
Because, despite already seeing the end of the ride ahead, I’m ready to jump in the car and experience the thrill.
“You have been driving me fucking insane for days and I couldn’t hold myself back for one more second.”
This intimidating, sharp-tongued but soft-hearted, beautiful man is telling me he wants me. Badly.
and I wonder how on earth I could ever possibly have not wanted this man.
He’s breaking my heart all over again, whether he intended to or not.
This little modular house with the tacky ducks felt so empty when I first stepped into it and, while it’s still the same empty little house, I now have memories attached to it, to help fill it up. Of my dad’s soft chuckle carrying through the perpetual silence, of the smell of his fresh-brewed coffee in the morning, of the sound of the floors creaking as he pads down the hallway after saying good night to me. Such little things—tiny, trivial slivers of his life that shouldn’t count as memories—and yet I know they’ll be the first things that come to mind when I think of him here, years from
...more
Jonah’s head falls back into the couch as he laughs. It’s such a deep, beautiful sound and I’m momentarily lulled by it,
“I’m sorry, kiddo. I really wish it wasn’t going to end this way.”
😭💔
“That’s what you usually go for, isn’t it? Bad ideas?” he murmurs.
😏
“Life will keep moving and changing, whether we want it to or not, Calla. There will be days to mourn, when it’s time.
He shrugs. “Fine. I don’t care how you do it, so long as you’re in my bed tonight, and every other night that you’re in Alaska.” He sounds so resolute. “What if I’m here for the next six months?” His eyes drift to my mouth. “That’s kind of what I’m hoping for.”
“Muskrat, Dad. He let me eat muskrat.”
gross !! 😝
Do me a favor and, if you forgive him enough to go to his place tonight, can you wake me up when you sneak back in in the morning?” My jaw drops. “I may be sick, but I’m not blind, Calla.” He smiles.
of course he knew.
Jonah is Alaska to me.
I’ve spent the last twelve years dwelling on all the things Wren Fletcher isn’t. I should have had the guts to come and find out all the things he is.
I kept playin’ conversations in my head, over and over again, finding things I should have said or done, times I should have reached out. You can spend an entire lifetime doing that and still get nowhere.”
“You’re not alone. You’ve got me. And I’ve got you, and we’ll get through this together.”
“They stay together for the summer, and when she leaves just before the first snowfall, he decides to follow her south. But there’s no way he can survive the flight across the ocean. Finally, he has no choice but to say goodbye and go home.” “Why doesn’t she go back with him?” “Because she’s a goose. She can’t survive the winter,” he admits reluctantly.
The Raven and his goose wife.
I wish I’d made sure you knew how much I thought about you. How much I’ve always loved you.”
😭😭
He’s exactly who I wanted him to be, despite all his flaws, and all the pain he caused.
“This is my last flight, kiddo,” he announces with grim certainty. He reaches over and takes my hand, and the smile on his face is oddly at peace. “And I can’t think of a better person to have spent it with.”
Mom takes one look at me and, with a hand over her mouth, begins to cry.
And now I'm crying.
I’m trembling, I realize. Probably because this is the first time I’ve ever seen my parents in the same room, that I can remember, and it’s on my father’s deathbed.
My dad begins to sob. And just like that, I sense a circle closing. Back to the beginning, and near to the end.
💔
And yet we’re all going to have to play on with a big missing piece, I accept, as a painful ball swells in my throat. Dad passed away five nights ago, surrounded by his loved ones,
He died as he lived. Quietly, with a resigned sigh and a smile of acceptance. Leaving a giant hole in my chest that I can’t see how time will ever close. And yet I wouldn’t trade this emptiness for anything.
“He kept everything that had to do with you, Mom.” Including his love.
I caught the smile that curled his lips as she laughed out loud over something on the TV. And I saw the tear that rolled out from the corner of his eye, as she leaned forward and kissed him one last time.
He’s rural Alaska, thriving on quiet nights and wild, crazy rides in the sky to save lives. I’m the girl who, now that my dad is gone and this house is eerily quiet once again—even
Until finally I relent to the onslaught of tears. Because I’m not going home with one giant hole in my heart. I’m going home with two.
“You’ve got a home here, for as long as you want it.”
With a sharp inhale, he seizes my hand in his and holds it still for a few beats against his chest—against his heart—and
“As long as I’m flying my planes and you’re with me, I’ll be happy. But this going-our-separate-ways bullshit? This isn’t working for me, Calla.”
