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a device billed as a way to connect us to other people might actually be driving us apart.
becoming conscious of how and why you use your phone
If you are like most people, you have just discovered that you qualify for a psychiatric evaluation. I mean, come on. The only way to score below 5 on this test is to not have a smartphone.
Studies suggest that up to 62 per cent of women and 48 per cent of men have checked their phone during sex.
Strangely, while many people agree that taking a break from their phones (often called “unplugging” or taking a “digital detox”) would be good for their mental health, very few people actually do it.
shortened attention span was making it harder for me to be present in those other activities even when I did do them.
“just to check”,
I do this all the time.
Multiple studies have associated the heavy use of smartphones (especially when used for social media) with negative effects on neuroticism, self-esteem, impulsivity, empathy, self-identity, and self-image, as well as with sleep problems, anxiety, stress, and depression.
It can also change your life.
That’s why the first half of this book, “The Wake-Up”, is designed to freak you out.
Breaking up with your phone will allow you to reconnect with a part of you that knows that life doesn’t happen on a screen.
“Never get high on your own supply.”
Dopamine makes us feel excited
Never before in history have the decisions of a handful of designers (mostly men, white, living in San Francisco, aged 25–35) working at three companies had so much impact on how millions of people around the world spend their attention.
Feeling bored or anxious? Check your email. Nothing there? Check social media. Not satisfied? Check a different social media account. And then maybe another one. Like a couple of posts. Follow some new people. Check to see if those people followed you back. Maybe go look at your email again, just in case.
But what really gets us hooked isn’t consistency; it’s unpredictability. It’s knowing that something could happen – but not knowing when or if that something will occur.
The resulting burst of dopamine makes us begin to associate the act of checking our phones with the receipt of a reward.
Once you’d left your home (and your landline) to go to one party, you had no way of knowing that another party going on at the same time might be more fun.
Cortisol makes us feel anxious.
“What is striking,” wrote the authors, “is that simply being alone with their own thoughts for 15 minutes was apparently so aversive that it drove many participants to self-administer an electric shock that they had earlier said they would pay to avoid.”
Instead, the customers are advertisers. And the product being sold is our attention.
It’s attention that we didn’t spend on our families, or our friends, or ourselves.
This is a really big deal, because our attention is the most valuable thing we have. We experience only what we pay attention to. We remember only what we pay attention to. When we decide what to pay attention to in the moment, we are making a broader decision about how we want to spend our lives.
SOCIAL MEDIA IS MAKING US DEPRESSED
Suicide rates are, too.
SOCIAL MEDIA IS BIG BROTHER
The mind cannot have two thoughts at once. See if you can think two thoughts at exactly the same time. Well? Is it possible? —Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down: How to Be Calm and Mindful in a Fast-Paced World
glancing at Twitter while we’re also watching TV;
If I spent two hours a day studying Spanish, it wouldn’t be long before I’d be able to have a basic conversation.
The result is what seems like should be an oxymoron: an intensely focused state of distraction.
Today, I’d argue that we can take this even further: if you wanted to invent a device that could rewire our minds, if you wanted to create a society of people who were perpetually distracted, isolated, and overtired, if you wanted to weaken our memories and damage our capacity for focus and deep thought, if you wanted to reduce empathy, encourage self-absorption, and redraw the lines of social etiquette, you’d likely end up with a smartphone.
ONE OF THE REASONS OUR brains prefer distraction to concentration is that concentration requires our brains to do two difficult things at once.
But when we read on a phone or computer, links and ads are everywhere. (For now at least, most ebooks are a glorious exception.)
creating long-term memories requires your brain to actually create new proteins.)
And that brings us to our phones: everything about smartphones overloads our working memories. The apps, the emails, the news feeds, the headlines, even the home screen itself – a smartphone is a virtual avalanche of information.
We lose our capacity for deep thought.
Every night, two to three hours before your bedtime, a tiny gland in your brain begins to release a hormone called melatonin. Melatonin tells your body that it’s nighttime and makes you sleepy.
Phones’ effects on sleep are particularly concerning when you consider the health consequences of chronic fatigue, which include increased risk of obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and even early death.
Flow is a term coined by the psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi to describe the feeling you get when you’re completely and totally engaged in an experience.
Flow leads to the sorts of moments and memories that make life seem rich.
MINDFULNESS
“Mindfulness is about seeing the world more clearly” – including ourselves.
You find yourself alone on a Friday night and your mind invites you to conclude that you are worthless and you have no friends.
Why couldn’t a solitary Friday night be an invitation to watch a film that you can’t convince anyone else to see?
The Craving Mind,
To read
If you try to cut back on your phone use without first figuring out what you’re trying to achieve or avoid, you’re dooming yourself to failure.
For example, let’s say you catch yourself reaching for your phone. Practising mindfulness means that instead of trying to fight your urge or criticising yourself for having it, you simply notice the urge and stay present with it as it unfolds.
The next time you find yourself tempted to look at your phone, pause instead. Take a breath and just notice the craving. Don’t give in to it, but don’t try to make it go away. Observe it. See what happens.
THIS
Our goal isn’t abstinence; it’s consciousness.
I’d like my boyfriend/friends to say that I am much more engaged in everything. Less distracted.”
