Up the Down Staircase

by Bel Kaufman

“We expect our teachers to handle teenage pregnancy, substance abuse, and the shortcomings of the family. Then we expect them to educate our children.”

Dear 304 – Just got your latest SOS. Don’t let them lead you by the nose. They’re testing you. Sit on them from the first moment to show you’re boss; they can find out later how nice you really are. There is no such thing as an Early Dismissal Monitor or a Permanent Pass to the Water Fountain.

FROM: JAMES J. MCHABE, ADM. ASST. TO: ALL TEACHERS AT THE END OF THE HOMEROOM PERIOD, PLEASE SEND TO ME THOSE STUDENTS WHO HAVE FAILED TO REPORT FOR CHECK-OUT BECAUSE THEY HAVE LEFT THE BUILDING. JJ MCH Bea–As for above–I’d like to oblige him, but how do I send him kids who aren’t there? Puzzled

“Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.” Like most sayings, this is only half true. Those who can, teach; those who can’t–the bitter, the misguided, the failures from other fields–find in the school system an excuse or a refuge.

FROM: JAMES J. MCHABE, ADM. ASST. TO: ALL TEACHERS Do not accept lateness excuses due to fire on the BMT today. This was checked by me with the Transit Authority. There was no fire on the BMT today. JJ MCH

TO: ALL TEACHERS Polio Consent slips are due in Health Office before 3 P.M. today. Frances Egan School Nurse

THE FOLLOWING TEACHERS ARE TO BE COMMENDED ON ACHIEVING 100% ATTENDANCE YESTERDAY: None