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He gave over his own kingdom, the queen had told me, and the lives of thousands to feed his greed for more. Hungry dragons may sleep for years, but they do not change their eating habits. He must be found. The dead demand justice, as do the living.
We have touched the stars, And the dust of possibility is ours. But the work is never over. Time circles. Repeats.
And so shall it be, For evermore.
“I’m not saying it wasn’t worth it—you got your hands on the keys—but it makes me wonder, is there anything you won’t do to get what you want?” I eyed him cautiously. “Some things,” I answered. But not many.
She knew something about survival. I wondered if she might even know more than me.
Each other. Hold on to each other because that is what will save you.
I squeeze my hand around hers until she winces, forcing her to take hold of her club. If we die, we will die fighting.
It’s a lost language, but to us they mean protect and defend at all costs.” “Even death?” “All costs means all.”
There hadn’t been a drop of fear in her then, when all odds were against her.
It was the first time I had seen her laugh, genuine, without any pretense, and it filled me with a strange burst of heat.
Prepare your hearts, For we must not only be ready for the enemy without, but also the enemy within.
And he was my opponent. I needed to remind myself of that because he hadn’t turned out to be what I expected, and some part of me found him— I wasn’t sure what the word was. Maybe the safest one was intriguing.
“When you have power, you have enemies,”
Make a wish, Kazi. With each one you pick, make a wish for tomorrow, the next day, and the next. One will always come true.
Even at six years old, I knew wishes didn’t come true, but I made them just the same. It felt rich and wild and as indulgent and marvelous as a rare dinner of pigeon and parsnips. For a few minutes, a wish put a sword in my hand and gave me power over the grimness of our world.
“It’s awkward, isn’t it?” he said. “What’s that?” I replied, my voice far too breathy. “These moments when we’re not hating each other.”
I was good at running away, distance, disappearing. Not this. Not at being confronted with him over and over again, never having more than three feet of space between us, and I hated that I actually found him … likable.
I was a connoisseur of detail, but I didn’t like the details I saw.
“Anything else up your sleeve I should know about?” “If I told you, it wouldn’t be fun, would it?” “Should I be concerned?” “Probably.”
There were many days I feared would be my last here in the Sanctum. I was so afraid then. Some days, I’m still afraid. I have so many promises to keep.”
“Freedoms are never won once and for all, Kazimyrah. They come and go, like the centuries. I cannot grow lazy. Memories are short. It is the forgetting that I fear.”
That was what I feared too. Forgetting.
Desperation can be a good teacher, maybe the best teacher.
He smiled. “Must be. I’ll show you one day.”
sleep had become its own thief, stealing away our intentions.
somehow this felt different. She’s a soldier, I reminded myself. Rahtan. One who held a knife to my throat and was prepared to use it. It didn’t help.
“What did they do to you, Kazi?” His voice was low, earnest. Even in the dim light, I was able to see the worry in his eyes. I pretended I didn’t know what he was talking about. “Who did what?” “Who made you afraid of an open world? An open sky? Was it Venda? Your parents?” “No one did anything,” I answered quietly. “Then hold on to me,” he said. “Let me show you the stars.”
Long silent seconds passed, and it felt like all the world and stars and sky were closing in on us, pressing us nearer to each other.
It was our story. It didn’t have to have a happy beginning or a happy ending, but the middle was a feast at a banquet, a rich soapy bath, a night’s rest at an inn and a full stomach, a warm chest nestled up against my back, the soft heat of lips at my nape, stories whispered in my ear.
“I think if you weren’t a thief, we might be friends.” “And if you didn’t whisk out knives and threaten to cut pretty necks, I think we might be friends too.”
I wondered how I had not seen how beautiful his eyes were the first time we met. But then I knew—it was his kindness that had broken me,
He had perceived a weakness in me that he tried to help me overcome by bringing out my strength. Before that kindness, the color of his eyes hadn’t mattered.
For once in my life, I didn’t care about tomorrow. I didn’t care if I starved or died. I feasted on the now, and I didn’t let myself think about who he was or who I was, only who we were right now in this moment and how he made me feel on this patch of earth, in this patch of shade.
We can never know the exact moment when someone will leave our lives forever. How many times had I bargained with the gods for one more day, one hour, just one minute. Was that too much to ask? One minute to say the unsaid things that were still trapped inside me. Or maybe I only wanted one more minute to say a real good-bye.
There is magic in everything, only you must watch for it. It does not come from spells or potions or the sky, nor by special delivery of the gods. It is all around you.
You must find the magic that warms your skin in winter, the magic that perceives what cannot be seen, the magic that curls in your gut with fierce power and will not let you give up, no matter how long or cold the days.
Choose your words carefully, even the words you think, because they become seeds, and seeds become history.
“I want to kiss you, Kazi,” he finally said, his voice a whisper. “And I want you to kiss me back. But this time I don’t want it to be because we’re only making the best of it. And I don’t want a kiss that’s for show or has any conditions. I want you to kiss me just because you want to. Because you deeply want to.
“Yes, I want to kiss you, Jase Ballenger. Not for show or to make the best of it. I want to kiss you because I want you, every part of you, even the parts that infuriate me beyond telling, because you’ve infected me with a poison that I don’t want to flush out, because you’re a mad viper twisting around my middle, cutting off my breath, yet I want you more than I want to breathe. Yes, Jase, I want to kiss you, just because I do, but the one thing I cannot do is promise you any tomorrows.”
“So this is all for show?” “What do you think?” “I think I don’t care anymore, as long as you’re in my arms.”
There may have been other secrets between us, but this much was true and honest—I wanted to be in his arms, and he wanted to be in mine. Maybe that was enough.
“I’m a good listener.” I know you are. I’ve known that since our first night together. That’s what makes you dangerous. You make me want to share everything with you.
But Jase stayed. He was giving up tomorrows he didn’t have to spare, tomorrows I had been unable to promise to him.
“I’m not going to play games with you, Kazi. You know how I feel. You know what I want.
Maybe there could be tomorrows. It didn’t seem like such a dangerous thought anymore.
“I only need you, Kazi, that’s all I need.”
“The dead can’t harm you. It’s the living I fear.”
Saying love aloud seemed dangerous. It made it tangible, easier to grasp and break. Or maybe I was just afraid the gods would take notice and steal it away.
Live dangerously—take your chances.”
“You love her?” I looked up at him. Love didn’t even seem like the right word to explain how I felt about her. The word seemed too small, too used, too simple, and everything I felt about her seemed complicated and rare and as wide as the world. I nodded.
