excerpts from the book i'll never write

by Nadia Nell Starbinski

Sometimes there are people who come into your life and leave a permanent mark. They paint your soul different colors and change the way you see the world.

When they leave, you realize that somewhere along the way you lost yourself. You don’t even know who you are anymore because they made you into something completely different. I don’t miss you. I miss myself.

I think there are people that you are supposed to let into your life, and I think that by design they are meant to leave and you are never supposed to speak again.

But that’s the problem- I hold on to the memories instead of people. I love so much that I continue to fall in love with a person that doesn’t even exist anymore. There’s a certain thrill to it, the danger of falling in love with the idea of somebody rather than who they actually are.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8