excerpts from the book i'll never write

by Nadia Nell Starbinski

Being in love with you feels like falling into your bed after a long day at work. Like this is where I am supposed to be. I just look at you and I am home.

Sometimes there are people who come into your life and leave a permanent mark. They paint your soul different colors and change the way you see the world. When they leave, you realize that somewhere along the way you lost yourself. You don’t even know who you are anymore because they made you into something completely different. I don’t miss you. I miss myself.

If you have the faith to pursue your happiness And accept the truth hidden in the lies, If you can hear the deafening silence, Sit in a room full of shadows And feel only the presence of yourself, If you can hear their screams without seeing their mouths move, And close your eyes – be real with the horrors of today. Then you, have grown.

I knew he’d tear my heart right out of my chest and crush it into a fine dust in his hands. I knew he’d be the most perfect heartbreaker I’d ever have the privilege of loving. Somewhere deep down I knew he’d be the worst choice I’d ever make.