How to Break Up with Your Phone, Revised Edition: The 30-Day Digital Detox Plan

by Catherine Price

When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail: the more I used my phone to navigate my life, the less capable I felt of navigating life without my phone.

Multiple studies have associated the heavy use of smartphones (especially when used for social media) with negative effects on neuroticism, self-esteem, impulsivity, empathy, self-identity, and self-image, as well as with sleep problems, anxiety, stress, and depression.

Simply telling ourselves to spend less time on our phones is the equivalent of telling ourselves to stop being attracted to people who are bad for us: it’s easier said than done,

addictions exist on a spectrum; it’s possible to be addicted to something without it destroying your life.

We post photos and comments to show others that we’re lovable, that we’re popular and, on a more existential level, that we matter, and then we check our phones obsessively to see if other people—or at least their online profiles—agree. (And even though we know that we’re curating our own feeds to make our lives look as exciting and fun as possible, we forget that everyone else is doing the same thing.)

“You don’t pay for Facebook. Advertisers pay for Facebook. You get to use it for free because your eyeballs are what’s being sold there.”

We experience only what we pay attention to. We remember only what we pay attention to. When we decide what to pay attention to in the moment, we are making a broader decision about how we want to spend our lives.

we should be using our apps because we’ve made a conscious choice to do so—not because of manipulative psychological tricks that are meant to make money for someone else.

if you wanted to invent a device that could rewire our minds, if you wanted to create a society of people who were perpetually distracted, isolated, and overtired, if you wanted to weaken our memories and damage our capacity for focus and deep thought, if you wanted to reduce empathy, encourage self-absorption, and redraw the lines of social etiquette, you’d likely end up with a smartphone.

“Human beings seem to exhibit an innate drive to forage for information in much the same way that other animals are driven to forage for food,”

our brains both prefer and are programmed to seek out and be distracted by new information.

when our working memories are overloaded and our cognitive loads are too great, our brains don’t have the resources necessary to connect new information and experiences to our preexisting schemas. Not only does this reduce the likelihood of those memories becoming permanent, but the weaker our schemas become, the less likely we are to have insights and ideas. We lose our capacity for deep thought.

Our phones are like Pandora’s boxes of emotions—and every time we check them, we open ourselves up to an unpleasant surprise. You could get an email that worries you or a text message about something you forgot to do. Maybe there’s a news story that makes you angry. Or a stock price that makes you anxious. Or a post that makes you sad.

When we use our phones or tablets or computers before bed, their blue light tells our brains that it is daytime and that we should be awake. In other words, when we check our phones at night, we’re giving ourselves jet lag. Screen time, particularly in the hour before bedtime, both keeps us up later and harms the quality of our sleep.

Imagine how difficult it would be to doze off if all of the people you follow on social media were in the room with you, the television was blaring in the background, and several friends were having a political debate. That’s essentially what you’re doing when you bring your phone into bed with you.

creativity is often sparked by boredom, which is another mental state that our phones are great at helping us avoid.

“Mindfulness is about seeing the world more clearly”—including ourselves.

most addictions stem from a desire to feel better and/or to make a bad feeling go away. If you try to cut back on your phone use without first figuring out what you’re trying to achieve or avoid, you’re dooming yourself to failure. Either you’re going to relapse, or you’re going to find another, potentially more destructive habit that achieves the same effect.

If we simply acknowledge our discomfort without trying to fight against it—in other words, if we ride out the wave—our cravings will eventually fade on their own.

Practicing mindfulness means that instead of trying to fight your urge or criticizing yourself for having it, you simply notice the urge and stay present with it as it unfolds. As it does, you can ask questions about it. What does the craving feel like in your brain and in your body? Why are you having this particular urge right now? What reward are you hoping to receive, or what discomfort are you trying to avoid? What would happen if you reacted to the impulse? What would happen if you did nothing at all?

Our goal isn’t abstinence; it’s consciousness.

our lives are what we pay attention to. So please take a moment right now to answer this question: What do you want to pay attention to?

If you delete social media apps from your phone, you are likely going to miss some posts. But instead of directing your FOMO toward what you think you might miss if you reduce the amount of time you spend on social media, try focusing on what you are definitely missing when you spend time on social media—which is to say, the rest of your life.

The difference between technology and slavery is that slaves are fully aware that they are not free. —Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Every time you hear or see a notification, you know that there’s something new and unpredictable waiting for you—two qualities that we are hardwired to crave.

the mere presence of a smartphone on the table has been shown to have a negative impact on closeness, connection, and the quality of conversation—not to mention worsen people’s performances of tasks that require focused attention.

Every ding and vibration from our phones triggers chemical reactions in our brains that pull us away from what we are doing—or the person we are with—and compel us to check our phones, usually for someone else’s benefit. Push notifications turn our phones into slot machines, and reinforce the very habit loops that we are trying to change. They are evil and must be destroyed.

Stop, Breathe, and Be is just what it sounds like: you stop what you’re doing, take a slow, deep breath, and tune in to the details of what you’re experiencing in that moment. There are many ways to do this, from noticing the physical sensations in your body to scanning your thoughts and emotions to taking note of your surroundings. The point of Stop, Breathe, and Be is to create another speed bump between your impulses and actions, and to give yourself a moment to reorient yourself so that you can decide what direction you actually want to go.

What parts of your relationship with your phone are going well? • What about your relationship with your phone do you want to change? What’s one thing you could do to start? • What are you doing—or could do—to strengthen your focus? • What are your goals for the next 30 days? • What fun plans could you make to spend time with people you care about? • Have you reinstalled any of the apps that you previously deleted, let your phone back into your bedroom, or turned notifications back on? If so, does it feel like the right decision? (No judgment.) • What do you want to pay attention to in your life?