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I’m in a crisis.” “Running out of toilet paper is a crisis to you.” “Have you ever sat on the toilet to poop, then ran out of toilet paper while your phone rings?” I raised an eyebrow. “I don’t want to speak to someone when I’m pooping. I want Buzzfeed to tell me what breed of cat I’ll be in my next life.” “Can you link me to that?” Chloe asked. Mellie shot her an unamused look. “Chloe.” “What? I poop, too.”
“Getting fucked was always the plan.” “Literally. Not metaphorically.”
Oh, God. I need Mardi Gras back so I can get blind drunk and sleep with a tourist.”
“We were kids!” Chloe said a little too loud. She must have realized she almost yelled because she took a deep breath and held up her hands. “We were kids. We were seventeen, for fuck’s sake. We were young. We were stupid. We were immature. Don’t hate yourself for what you did then.” “I hate myself for sleeping with Daniel Wynn,” Mellie offered.
“And so you should,” Chloe replied. “But that was a sober, educated, fully-informed choice that is not helpful right now.”
I remembered just how freaking dumb we were in high school. How we made decisions on the fly with nothing more than emotions and hormones to guide us. I blamed algebra for that. My days were so full of Y trying to find his X that I couldn’t focus on anything else. Mostly because I am not a math girl.
“What am I supposed to do now?” Mellie sighed. “Do you have a multiple-choice option?” “Yes. Whine, cry, get drunk, masturbate.” “So…A normal menstrual cycle for you, then,” Chloe offered with a grin. “I…” I paused. “Yeah. Pretty much.”
I dropped my phone like it was burning me and ran downstairs. Thankfully, I was barefoot, so I wasn’t slipping on the floor. If I were Mellie, she’d have gone down the stairs on her ass.
I was not good at being a good adult.
Not everything in life is worth it. Honesty. Stress. Staying up all night. Answering the phone…
“You don’t want that answer,” I told her honestly. “If I didn’t want it, I wouldn’t be standing in the street screaming your name and chasing you.” “You chased me for ten feet.” “That’s ten feet further than I’ve ever chased anyone else.”
I walked into her house to find her with the freezer door open and her feet inside it. I stopped in the middle of her kitchen and frowned at the sight before me. I had a toddler. I’d seen some weird shit, but this was right up there with the best of them.
She wrinkled up her face. “I’m sorry I was stubborn?” “Are you asking me or telling me?” “If I say telling, am I doing this whole adult thing right now?”
Laughter bubbled inside me. “You’re doing good at not being stubborn. Given that you’re sitting on the floor with your feet in the freezer, I’d hold off on proclaiming you’re a good adult.”
“After all, you’re not shy. I know you have a drawer full of toys upstairs.” “I do still have vintage My Little Pony figures.” “Not the toys I’m talking about.” “I know, but they’re not in a drawer. They’re in a locked box in my cupboard, because one time, my grandmother came around, found out, and mistook it for a bathroom decoration.”
“A part of me is kind of glad that we didn’t get together in high school.” “We’re not together now.” “I know, but I was not this good in bed back then.” She snorted. “Do I need to call Pornhub for you for auditions?” “Why? Do you have contacts there?” “Did you just call me a slut?” “Did you just call me a pornstar?” Peyton tilted her head. “I think I have a video camera somewhere. It’s not impossible.”
“You took off your shirt,” she said, shamelessly looking at me. “Peyton,” I said with a sigh. “My cock is hard. I’m half-naked. The only reason I’m here is because you said you wanted to have sex with me.” She dropped her head back, laughing. “You make it sound like I found out you’re a Russian spy, and I’m blackmailing you!” I froze. “Shit. You know about that?” “I went through your underwear drawer when you weren’t looking. I found the papers,” she said solemnly. “Multiple me again, and I won’t turn you in.” “Now, that’s blackmail.” She nodded. “I take my orgasms very seriously.”
Talking after sex is overrated. What are you supposed to say? “Thanks for the bang, buh-bye now! Don’t forget to take your number with you!”
Elliott: All ok? Will be back soon. Mom: B’s asleep and your dad is on his fishing trip. I’m fine here. You stay and have all the sex. “That is not normal for a mom to say,” I said, handing it back. “Your grandmother mistook a dildo for bathroom décor.” He had a point…
“I tried to convince him to leave.” “I take it that didn’t go well.” Elliott shook his head, sighed, and leaned back. He propped himself up on his elbows, and I shifted to look at him. “In fact, I think I made it worse.” “Oh, God,” I moaned, leaning back against the headrest of the bed. “What did you do?” “I told him it’d taken me two orgasms to get you out of a bad mood, and I didn’t appreciate him putting you back in that shitty one.”
“I don’t have a thing for her,” he lied, his face expressionless. “She drives me
crazy.” “You have a thing for her,” Elliott said. Dom raised his eyebrows. “Like you have a thing for my sister?” Elliott shrugged. “I’m sleeping with her, aren’t I?” “You have a thing for me?” I said, looking at him. “I didn’t wake up with a boner over French toast, Peyton.”
Had I just watched my best friend’s heart break?
“She used to have a crush on me?” Dom asked, turning his head to look at me. “Did you know that?” “Of course!” I snapped, pushing off the counter. “You just have the eyesight of a bat and the understanding of a saber-tooth tiger.” “The tigers are dead.” “Exactly!”
