Flat Broke with Two Goats

by Jennifer McGaha

Jeff and Denise, had owner-financed our home.

Definition: seller financing is the person selling the house lends the buyer the money to purchase. This would be similar to conventional when the bank is the lender.

Nostalgia Pesto For this recipe, I use a variety of types of basil leaves. Lemon is especially good. •2 cups fresh basil leaves •2 cloves garlic, roughly chopped •1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil •1/4 cup pine nuts or walnuts, toasted •1/4 cup Parmesan or Romano cheese, shredded •Sea salt, to taste In a food processor, pulse the basil and garlic until combined. Add the nuts and cheese. Pulse a few more times. Gradually drizzle in the olive oil until the mixture is smooth. Season with sea salt. Serve over hot noodles to a wistful crowd in a cheerful, sunlit room.

And while what I should have learned from living a relatively privileged childhood was the value of hard work and frugality, what I learned instead was that money was not something with which I needed to be overly concerned. If and when I needed it, it would magically appear—like a genie.

I didn’t blame Denise or Jeff for pursuing foreclosure.

Seller financing. For how many repairs was required for the house it was a terrible decision on their part to go through this agreement. Going through the bank would have given them more leverage to put the home's value at a reasonable price. However was this before or after the fall of the housing market

Citrus Chicken Marinade •1 cup orange juice •1 cup lime juice •1/2 cup lemon juice •1/4 cup ancho chili powder •2 tablespoons ground paprika •4 cloves garlic •1 cup olive oil •6 to 8 boneless, skinless chicken breasts Combine all ingredients in a blender and puree. Pour the marinade over chicken breasts and refrigerate overnight.

Cognitive dissonance, psychologists call it, this ability to hold two contradictory ideas or beliefs at one time.

Cajun Shrimp •1 1/2 cups butter •8 ounces clam juice or seafood stock •5 cloves garlic •4 dried bay leaves •4 teaspoons dried rosemary •1 teaspoon dried basil •1 teaspoon dried oregano •1/4 cup lemon juice •1 teaspoon ground red pepper •1 teaspoon salt •1 teaspoon ground nutmeg •1 tablespoon ground paprika •1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper •6 pounds shrimp Melt the butter. Add all ingredients except shrimp. Cook uncovered for 20 minutes. Add shrimp. Cook 10 to 12 minutes or just until pink. Serve with thick, crusty bread, and plenty of napkins.

Taco Soup •1 pound ground turkey •1 small onion, chopped •2 cloves garlic, minced •1 1/2 cups water or chicken broth •3 (16-ounce) cans beans—a combination of black, pinto, kidney, navy, and/or great northern beans, drained and rinsed •3 (14 1/2-ounce) cans canned tomatoes, diced, stewed, pureed, or fire-roasted •1 (15 1/2-ounce) can hominy, drained, or 1 cup fresh or frozen corn •1 (4-ounce) can chopped green chilies •1 package taco seasoning •Salt and pepper to taste •Grated cheese (cheddar or Monterey Jack) •Sour cream •Tabasco or chipotle sauce Sauté the turkey, chopped onion, and garlic in a large soup pot. Drain fat, if necessary. Add chicken broth, beans, tomatoes, corn, chilies, and taco seasoning. Simmer for at least an hour. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve with grated cheese, sour cream, and plenty of hot sauce. Since hot foods increase your endorphin levels, the more distressed you are, the more hot sauce you will need.

And gradually, very gradually, I would begin to see that this was not so much an ending as a beginning, that my life was not so much a line as one intricate loop, winding back, back, back through time and then spiraling rapidly forward, the past, the present, and the future, the person I was and the person I had yet to become, all tangled into one.

I did not yet know whether the decision I had made was the right one. I only knew that it had not felt like a decision at all. It had felt a little like freeing myself from an intricate web.

I’m resetting,

Chipotle Chicken Burritos for a Crowd •10 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts •30 chipotle peppers in adobo sauce (about 5 small cans)

•20 cloves garlic •2 1/2 teaspoons ground cayenne pepper •2 1/2 teaspoons ground paprika •1 1/4 teaspoons ground black pepper •1 1/4 teaspoons ground cumin •1 1/4 cups lime juice (not diluted) •1 1/4 cups Worcestershire sauce •1 1/4 cups honey •2 1/2 cups balsamic vinegar •2 1/2 cups olive oil •3 tablespoons salt Puree all ingredients except chicken in food processor or blender. Place chicken in pan. Pour marinade over, and turn to make sure it is thoroughly coated. Cover and refrigerate for several hours. Grill. Chop into cubes. Serve buffet style with warm tortillas, rice, beans (a choice of refried or black beans is nice), shredded cheese, lettuce and/or spinach, chopped red onions, chopped tomatoes, salsa, sour cream, guacamole, etc. Accompany with margaritas or a smooth, nutty amber ale such as Green Man ESB from Green Man Brewery in Asheville.

But feeling better would not mean the loss was less real, only less raw and exposed. Instead of being on my skin, my grief would seep through my pores and adhere to my heart and lungs, to my blood and guts. And now I had to figure out how to live like that, how to behave like a normal, sane person, a person who was not haunted.

Mamaw’s Cornbread •1 1/2 cups self-rising cornmeal •3 tablespoons self-rising flour •1 egg, beaten •About 1/2 cup milk (whole, evaporated, or buttermilk) •1 to 2 tablespoons oil or shortening for pan Preheat a cast-iron skillet coated with oil or shortening in oven at 425 degrees. Mix dry ingredients. Stir in egg, and add milk until the batter is the consistency of thick pancake batter. Pour into hot pan. Bake about 18 minutes or until brown on top.

Snow Cream •Snow •Milk or cream •Sugar •Vanilla Go outside. Scout out a patch of snow that is free from dog pee, cat pee, rabbit droppings, pine needles, and other contaminants. Scrape off the top layer of snow. Being careful not to touch the ground below, fill a chilled mixing bowl with loosely packed snow. Once you are back inside, add just enough milk or cream to create a slushy mixture. Add more sugar and vanilla than you deem reasonable. Then add some more. Serve with straight whiskey or, for children, hot chocolate.

ricotta

You simply brought a gallon of milk to two hundred degrees in a large pot, stirred in a quarter cup of lemon juice or three tablespoons of vinegar, brought the milk mixture back to two hundred degrees, then let it sit, covered, for about fifteen minutes. Then you drained the whey from the curds and hung the cheese.

Homemade Yogurt •1 gallon milk •8 tablespoons plain yogurt with active cultures Divide milk into 4 jars, leaving 2 inches of space at top. Place a folded dishrag in bottom of pot. Add filled jars. Fill pot with water ¾ of the way up the sides of jars. Bring water to a boil, and simmer until milk in jars has reached 180 to 185 degrees. Remove jars from pot, and allow to cool to 110 to 120 degrees. Once cooled, stir 2 tablespoons yogurt into each jar, and cap jars. Place jars in a small cooler. Fill cooler with warm water, exchanging the water as necessary to keep the temperature consistent. Let sit for 10 hours. Remove the jars from the cooler and refrigerate.

Smoky Poached Eggs with Chickpeas and Feta •2 tablespoons olive oil •1 medium onion, chopped •4 cloves

garlic, chopped •1 to 2 jalapeños, seeded, finely chopped •1 (15-ounce) can chickpeas, drained •2 teaspoons Hungarian smoked paprika •1 teaspoon ground cumin •1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes •Salt and freshly ground black pepper •1 cup coarsely crumbled feta •8 large farm-fresh eggs •Chopped fresh cilantro for garnish (optional) •Smoking J’s Fiery Foods chipotle hot sauce or other good quality sauce Preheat oven to 425°. Sauté the onion, garlic, and jalapeño in a large ovenproof skillet over medium-high heat until onion is soft, about 8 minutes. Add chickpeas, paprika, and cumin, and cook for 2 minutes longer. Add crushed tomatoes. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to medium-low, and simmer about 15 minutes. Take off heat. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Sprinkle feta evenly over sauce. Crack eggs one at a time and place over sauce, spacing evenly apart. Transfer skillet to oven, and bake until whites are just set but yolks are still runny, 5 to 8 minutes. Garnish with cilantro. Serve with hearty brown bread and, of course, hot sauce.

Spicy Crock-Pot Chicken for Chicken Lovers •1 to 2 teaspoons salt •2 teaspoons ground paprika •1 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper •1 teaspoon onion powder •1 teaspoon dried thyme •1 teaspoon ground black pepper •1/4 teaspoon garlic powder •1 cup chopped onions •1 humanely raised large roasting chicken from someone else’s farm Combine spices. Massage into chicken. Put chopped onion into Crock-Pot. Add chicken and cover. Cook on low 4 to 6 hours.

Prenatal Piña Coladas •1 1/2 ounces coconut cream •1 1/2 ounces pineapple juice •A few slices fresh pineapple •2 ounces Flor de Caña rum •1 cup ice Blend all ingredients in blender until smooth. Pour into tall, chilled glass. Drink in barn. Refuse to share with pregnant goat no matter how much she begs.

Arugula Salad for a Snaky Picnic This recipe is adapted from The New Blue Ridge Cookbook by Elizabeth Wiegand. •3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil •2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar •1 fennel bulb •1 large bunch arugula •1/4 to 1/3 cup shaved Parmesan cheese •A couple of handfuls of chopped, roasted walnuts Whisk olive oil and vinegar together for dressing. Cut fronds from fennel bulb, and set fronds aside. Clean bulb thoroughly, and remove the end. Shave remaining bulb thinly with mandoline or cheese grater. Toss with dressing. Add arugula, cheese, and walnuts. Toss salad to distribute dressing evenly. Divide salad among four plates for serving. Serve reserved fennel fronds to your chickens, no plates required.

difference between curds (the solid that forms during fermentation) and whey (the liquid).

Post-Surveillance Gazpacho This recipe is slightly adapted from Moosewood Restaurant’s Gazpacho a la Guadalajara. •2 cups fresh corn, cut from the cob and boiled •4 cups tomato juice •1 cucumber, peeled and cubed •2 avocados, peeled, pitted, and cubed •4 tablespoons fresh lime juice •1 clove garlic, minced •1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin •1/4 teaspoons ground cayenne pepper •Salt •Fresh cilantro for garnish Combine all ingredients. Chill 1 to 2 hours before serving.

Goat Cheese •1/2 gallon room-temperature goat’s milk •1 drop double-strength liquid rennet •1/4 cup nonchlorinated water •1/8 teaspoon mesophilic starter Strain milk into a large mason jar or other nonmetallic container. Dissolve rennet in water, and add to the milk. Sprinkle in mesophilic starter, and gently stir. Cover, and let the whole mixture percolate for approximately 24 hours. After the curds have separated from the whey (the liquid), dump the whole mixture into butter muslin or double-layered cheesecloth placed in a colander. Gather the ends of the cloth, tie the remaining cheese into a bundle, and hang for 3 to 4 hours to allow the whey to finish draining. Season with salt (I use about ½ teaspoon sea salt per batch) and herbs/vegetables/fruit, and refrigerate. (Be sure to save all of the leftover whey! There are tons of uses for whey, such as lemon whey pie on page 284.) This cheese is wonderful plain or with flavor additions such as the following.

JALAPEÑO GARLIC This is my husband’s favorite. He spreads it over everything bagels instead of cream cheese. •½ jalapeño, seeded and minced •½ to 1 clove garlic, crushed LEMON This is amazing on ginger snaps. •1 teaspoon finely grated lemon rind* •1 teaspoon organic sugar * Grated lemon rind is also excellent with fresh rosemary, chives, or dill.

GARDEN VEGETABLE •1/4 red pepper, seed...

Ringneck Season Mojitos •6 ounces light rum •6 tablespoons fresh lime juice •4 tablespoons sugar •Several mint sprigs •Club soda •Fresh lime Combine rum, lime juice, sugar, and mint sprigs, crushing mint in liquid. Fill glass with club soda and ice, if desired. Garnish with fresh lime slices and more mint.

Lemon Whey Pie FILLING •1 1/2 cups whey, divided •1 cup sugar •3 1/2 tablespoons cornstarch •3 egg yolks (save whites) •1 1/2 tablespoons butter, melted •1/2 teaspoon salt •1/4 cup fresh lemon juice Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Bring 1 cup whey to boil in medium saucepan. In separate bowl, whisk sugar, cornstarch, and remaining ½ cup cold whey until it forms a smooth paste. Add paste mixture into the hot whey, stirring constantly until it thickens. In another small bowl, lightly beat egg yolks, and combine with butter, salt, and lemon juice. Pour a small amount of the hot whey mixture into egg yolk mixture, and stir. Add this mixture to the mixture in the saucepan and cook two minutes, stirring constantly.

MERINGUE •3 egg whites •¼ teaspoon cream of tartar •¼ teaspoon salt •½ teaspoon vanilla •6 tablespoons sugar Beat egg whites, cream of tartar, salt, and vanilla in a bowl until foamy. Add sugar, one tablespoon at a time, beating thoroughly after each addition. Continue beating at medium-high speed until stiff, sharp peaks form.

TO ASSEMBLE Pour filling into prebaked pie shell. Top with meringue, and smooth to seal edges along the pie crust. Bake in preheated ove...

Goat’s Milk Custard This recipe is adapted from Guy Fieri’s Goat Milk Crème Caramel recipe. •1/3 cup sugar •2 cups goat’s milk •1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon sugar •3 egg yolks, beaten •2 whole eggs, beaten •1/4 teaspoon vanilla Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Pour 1/3 cup sugar into a small saucepan, and heat slowly until the sugar melts and turns a dark brown. (Be careful not to burn!) Divide evenly among four ramekins. Put milk and remaining sugar in a pan, and bring to a simmer. Combine egg yolks, whole eggs, and vanilla in a mixing bowl. Whisk until foamy. Temper by adding a small amount of the hot milk to the egg mixture. Slowly stir the egg mixture into the hot milk in the pan. Divide the mixture evenly among the four ramekins, and place in a roasting pan. Fill the pan with water until the ramekins are three-quarters covered. Bake 35 minutes or until the custards are set.

When you have gone through a sort of travesty of your own making, failure begins to feel like part of you. You get used to it. People around you expect you to fail, and you learn to expect it from yourself, to see it as almost comforting in its familiarity. You begin to believe you are destined to make a mess of things. But then there are those unexpected kindnesses, those moments when someone does something to make you believe that perhaps you are more than the sum of everything you have done wrong, that perhaps you are worth more than you think.

Pasta with Goat Cheese, Sun-Dried Tomatoes, and Broccoli •1/2 gallon whey •1 pound penne or bow tie pasta •1 crown of broccoli florets, chopped •1/2 to 1 bulb (not cloves) garlic, divided into cloves and crushed •2 to 4 tablespoons olive oil •2 tomatoes, chopped •1/2 cup chopped sun-dried tomatoes in oil, drained (reserve a tablespoon or two of oil) •1/2 cup Kalamata olives •1/2 cup chopped artichoke hearts in oil, drained •1/2 batch (about 1/2 cup) soft goat cheese, crumbled •Salt and pepper to taste Bring the whey to boil. Add pasta. Cook according to instructions, adding broccoli in the last 3 to 5 minutes of cooking. Drain. Sauté garlic in olive oil until fragrant. Add fresh tomatoes, and sauté for a minute or two. Stir in sun-dried tomatoes, olives, and artichoke hearts. Remove from heat, and add drained pasta and broccoli and goat cheese. Mix thoroughly. Season with salt and pepper to taste. If mixture seems too dry, add reserved oil from the sun-dried tomatoes.

If you live in Asheville, serve this with Freak of

Nature Double IPA from Wicked Weed Brewing because it is hoppy and refreshing and offsets the ton of garlic you are ingesting. If you live anywhere else in the world, serv...

Cajeta

Once you have a half gallon of milk, bring the milk, sugar, and cinnamon stick to a simmer in a saucepan. Remove from heat, and stir in dissolved baking soda. Return to heat, and cook until thick and caramel colored, approximately one hour, stirring frequently. When mixture is the consistency of a thick caramel sauce, remove from heat, and store in refrigerator (make sure to remove the cinnamon stick). Serve over ice cream or pound cake with warm brie and crackers. Or, if you prefer, shamelessly eat it straight from the jar with a spoon.

It was a line we would use from that night on. “You drive; I’ll ride in the back with the possum,” one

Goat Milk Soap The hardest parts about making goat milk soap are (1) milking the goat and (2) overcoming your fear of working with lye. The rest is a piece of cake. Once I got past my phobia of lye, I found soap making to be fun and relaxing. I loved all the smells and textures, the way the scents filled the entire house when the bars were curing. It was a lot like baking bread, and since I could no longer make anything as fussy as bread in our temperamental oven, soap making was a nice alternative. I have tried various methods with varying degrees of success, but by far the easiest way I have found is a hot-processed method that uses a Crock-Pot. Though hot-processed soaps have a slightly rougher appearance and tend to be darker in color than cold-processed soaps, they are ready to use soon after making and thus fulfill my need for almost-instant gratification. •

Melt the coconut oil in Crock-Pot turned to low. When coconut oil is completely melted, add olive oil. Wearing protective gear and working in a well-ventilated area, slowly stir the lye into the frozen milk. (Note: Always add lye to the milk, never the other way around.) Once the lye has dissolved into the melted milk, slowly stir the lye/milk mixture into the oils in the Crock-Pot. Using a stick blender, blend in quick bursts for several minutes, until the mixture begins to “trace.” At this point, the mixture should resemble a thick pudding (think butterscotch), and your blender should leave a “trace” or mark as you blend. You can test this by scooping out a spoonful of the mixture and plopping it on top of the remaining mixture. If it holds its shape, it’s ready. Continue with either the cold or the hot soap-making process. For cold-processed soap: Turn off the Crock-Pot, and stir in essential oils and other additions (such as oatmeal). Pour mixture into prepared molds. I use two standard glass loaf pans lined with wax paper. Smooth the mixture into the pan evenly. Let sit for 24 to 48 hours before unmolding and cutting into bars. (For a lighter-colored soap, you may put the molds in the refrigerator overnight. Remove the next day, and let sit for 24 to 48 hours before cutting.)

Place the cut bars a few inches apart so they can “breathe.” Let sit for 4 to 6 weeks before using. I use old box tops lined with wax paper for this, and I try to turn my soaps once a week or so. For hot-processed soap: Once the mixture has reached trace stage, put the lid on the Crock-Pot, and cook on low for approximately 50 minutes, or until a pH test strip reads 7 to 10. You may need to stir the mixture once or twice during the cooking process.

After the soap reaches the appropriate pH level, turn off the Crock-Pot, and stir in essential oils and other additions. Pour into prepared molds. Let rest 24 to 48 hours before unmolding and/or cutting into bars. This soap can be used right away but benefits from curing for a couple of weeks. I usually use one bar right away and save the rest. Note: I use the hot-processed method for rusti...