13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success

by Amy Morin

I knew that time doesn’t heal anything; it’s how we deal with that time that determines the speed at which we heal.

Good habits are important, but it’s often our bad habits that prevent us from reaching our full potential. You can have all the good habits in the world, but if you keep doing the bad habits alongside the good ones, you’ll struggle to reach your goals. Think of it this way: you’re only as good as your worst habits.

Imagine a man who feels nervous about social situations. To minimize his anxiety, he avoids starting conversations with his coworkers. The less he speaks with his coworkers, the less they initiate conversation with him. When he enters the break room and passes people in the hallway without anyone speaking to him, he thinks, I must be socially awkward. The more he thinks about how awkward he is, the more nervous he feels about starting conversations. As his anxiety increases, his desire to avoid his coworkers also increases. This results in a self-perpetuating cycle.

social anxiety analogy w/confirmation bias...

To understand mental strength, you have to learn how your thoughts, behaviors, and feelings are all intertwined, often working together to create a dangerous downward spiral as in the preceding example. This is why developing mental strength requires a three-pronged approach:

step 1

We make our best decisions in life when we balance our emotions with rational thinking.

mental strength isn’t about suppressing your emotions; instead it’s about developing a keen awareness of them. It’s about interpreting and understanding how your emotions influence your thoughts and behavior.

Even when you can’t alter your circumstances, you can alter your attitude.

Both men experienced the exact same event. However, their perception of the event was completely different. One man viewed himself as a victim of horrible circumstance while the other man viewed the event as good fortune.

What’s another way I could view my situation?

What advice would I give to a loved one who had this problem?

What evidence do I have that I can get through this?

Choosing to forgive someone who has hurt you, either emotionally or physically, doesn’t mean you have to excuse the other person’s behavior, but letting go of your anger frees you to focus your energy on a more worthwhile cause.

When you receive criticism or feedback from others, wait a beat before responding. If you’re upset or emotionally reactive, take the time to calm down. Then ask yourself these questions:

What evidence is there that this is true?

What evidence do I have this isn’t true?

Why might this person be giving me this feedback?

Do I want to change any of my behavior?

You don’t have any control over whether someone will apologize. Waiting to forgive people until they say they’re sorry gives them control over not just your life, but perhaps even your death.

The longer you keep the same habits, the harder they can be to break.