We're Going to Need More Wine

by Gabrielle Union

This one comes from Carrie Fisher. “Stay afraid, but do it anyway.”

Most black people grow accustomed to the fact that we have to excel just to be seen as existing, and this is a lesson passed down from generation to generation. You can either be Super Negro or the forgotten Negro.

“You were fly, dope, and amazing from birth,” I would tell that girl now. “From the second you took your first breath, you were worthwhile and valid. And I’m sorry you had to wait so long to learn that for yourself.”

I became the condom dispensary, bringing them to school and to parties whenever I got the heads-up. Adults weren’t looking out for us. They assumed that we knew we could get pregnant and wouldn’t risk it by actually having sex. But even when you know better, it doesn’t mean you’re going to do better. That’s a lie parents tell themselves so they don’t have to admit their kids have sex. And they do. They will either live with fear and baggies and abortions, or live with knowledge and condoms.

You can love what you see in the mirror, but you can’t self-esteem your way out of the way the world treats you.

Carrie Fisher had a line I love about why she and Paul Simon ended their marriage: “Things were getting worse faster than we could lower our standards.”

using my well-honed ability to turn a phrase to tear down an actress who wasn’t present. It was well honed because I used to feel I had to do it for survival, but now it was like I was killing for sport. As I ripped this absent woman to shreds, I felt like I was being fed as these people laughed and looked at me with faces that said, “More, more.” When I was done, there was nothing left of my target. “How did that change your life?” Coach asked me after my performance. “Excuse me?” “Did you get her guy?” she asked. “Did you get her job? Is your house bigger now?” I looked down at the ground, completely called out. “What positive happened in your life because you tore this woman down?” she asked. “And, by the way, you showed exactly how much power she has over you because you spent an hour talking about her to a roomful of people.”