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November 6 - November 6, 2020
The fundamental flaw in searching for happiness ‘out there’ lies in confusing pleasure for happiness.
“The happiest people seem to be those who have no particular cause for being happy except that they are so.” William Ralph Inge
They don’t burden their minds with a hunger for superiority, but instead seek new information, accommodate differing opinions, and consider alternative
“Guard over your thinking, for it becomes actions. Your actions slowly turn into habits. Over time, your habits shape your character. And in the end, your character becomes your destiny. If you want to change your destiny, change your thinking.”
Happy people are for solutions instead of being against problems.
Happy people ask, “What am I going to do about this?” and “How am I going to prevent this from happening again?” Unhappy people ask, “Why does this always happen to me?” or “Who is to blame for this?”
Happy people work with life as it is, not as they wished it were.
Gratitude is probably the single most telling characteristic of happiness, as the ability to unconditionally appreciate something is the ultimate counter-force to those monstrous human self-destructors – anger, arrogance, desire, indifference, regret, resentment and guilt.
Happy people are grateful people. They need less because they experience abundance.
Their agenda consists of four main headings, in a specific order: Personal Wellness, Family Sturdiness, Professional Progress and Wider Community Joy.
journey that captures their attention and intelligence. They allow their intrinsic fields of fascination to become real-life experiences. And this engagement in their ‘tasks of will’ leaves them with an abundance of energy which empowers them to become great at what they do and allows them an ‘unfair’ competitive edge. Their souls are on fire when they work!
Happy people care for their physical health.
Happy people normally stick to a simple health regime. First, they are conscious about what they consume.
Second, they get ample exercise.
Thirdly, they sleep well. They
take care of their spiritual growth.
attend to their personal financial wellbeing.
Real positivism is about solving and preventing problems, not laughing them off or naively looking away when they occur. It’s a capacity to view failure as temporary, limited, and a part of life – and then moving on to a solution.
don’t hoard baggage. Happy people put the past behind them. They forgive more easily. They don’t waste energy on carrying grudges and playing judge. They are not energized through revenge.
Being miserable is infinitely easier than being happy.
everyday conditions into a dramatic mental script, a storyline in which victims and villains dominate the ‘movie’.
Finding culprits gives them more satisfaction than finding solutions. What happens around them often ends up being a very personal, explosive affair.
they spend endless hours in illusory court cases, finding someone else at fault, reaping their limited moments of meaning at someone else’s expense, and bringing someone else to heel.
They always want something else. When they are at work, they want to retire. When they are retired, they want to work.
Their associations are regularly burdened by control and forceful interactions
fundamental source of unhappiness relates to an inability to control primitive instincts.
still shudder when confronted with two ancient life-threatening notions: rejection and scarcity.
We default to survival mode in a blink, notwithstanding all the proof that we don’t have to be in survival mode any longer.
Ten Unhappiness Traps 1. Look for the hurt in things 2. Find the enemy in others 3. A poor-me attitude 4. A craving for validation 5. Compare and compete 6. Upsizing life’s imperfections 7. Dramatizing your past 8. Conditional love 9. Trying to change someone 10. Fear-casting the future
Children who haven’t experienced security, acceptance, peace, and love during early caregiving – especially during the first six years of their lives – might experience more pronounced fear as adults.
If you program your mind with the conclusion, ‘I’m a victim of my parents,’ or ‘My fears are based on reality’, you have to accept the consequences. Unfortunately, such capitulation will only contribute to an increase in your unhappiness.
They shun their discretionary ability to make decisions about their happiness,
You have to come to the decision (if you haven’t already) that only you can be held responsible for your happiness
Create a decent pause once a year for an annual review of your life.
Follow through with monthly reviews. Shape every month around your priorities. End a week by taking an hour to fine-tune your schedule for the next seven days.
Be grateful on purpose.
Find things to approve of instead of disapprove. Turn your common days into thanksgivings. Focus on the things that work instead of slaving away at an inventory of what you are missing. Stop whining. Laugh more. Ask less.
Serial time-wasters in the lives of professionals 1. Blurred priorities 2. Interruptions and electronic ‘pop-ups’ 3. Meetings for the sake of meetings 4. Terminal urgencies and crises; poor planning 5. Saying ‘yes’ to unimportant commitments 6. Travel
Know what is important when you start your days. Excuse yourself from what is not important during your days. Let go of mental garbage at the end of your days.
Trim your expectations. A disappointment is often the result of loaded expectations. Aim high, set firm goals, and expend good energy on what you want to achieve, but avoid constant regret by always giving yourself ample margin for
Share valuable information. 2. Listen nonjudgmentally. 3. Answer questions objectively. 4. Change what you expect from him. 5. Change the way you respond to her. 6. Encourage him. 7. Recognise her achievements. 8. Prevent him from becoming dependent on your resources, availability, and sympathy.
Learn to single out the moment, as ‘a’ moment, or the event, as ‘an’ event.
Broken windows and chipped paint send a message that nobody is in charge and that nothing matters. A building that is in order and well-maintained commands respect. The same applies to a human life. Public respect starts at self-respect.
Fortunately, children do not expect perfection – just explicit, unconditional love. Spoil your kids with affection, laughter, and lots of time together. Accept them unreservedly. Show compassion and patience. Earn their respect. Demonstrate good values. Do it from day one.
One of the biggest drawbacks of this hidden conversation is that it concentrates on explaining our deficiencies to us. It shouts out the things we get wrong. It warns us against impending failure. It reminds us of our shortcomings.
Override your inner self-talk whenever you catch yourself participating in it by consciously reminding yourself of the things you get right.
practise a different pattern of thoughts, you reinforce those neural pathways and in the process change your brain chemistry.
“How serious will this setback be five years from now?”
“Debt is the slavery of the free.” — Publilius Syrus
brain can really only focus on one thing at a time. Multitasking is known to slow people down by 50% and increases the frequency of mistakes by 50% as well. When
