Why Not Me?

by Mindy Kaling

I slip into a melancholy that I know is somehow tied to a deep-seated fear about not being married and having kids myself. Because, at its heart, my annoyance or impatience with my friends’ weddings stems from my own panic and abandonment issues. Why are you leaving me behind like this, friend? What am I supposed to do all by myself now that you are gone?

Just bear a passing resemblance to a fictional romantic trope I like and I will love you forever. We’re all just trying to find the Mark Darcy of our workplace, aren’t we?

So I did what any reasonable person would do: I made all of the other writers log in to their Facebook accounts to see if they could find Will.

I have a terrible habit of impulsively sending text messages that reveal my true feelings and frighten people off, such as: “I like you so much it scares me.” So Jeremy Bronson, one of my closest friends, proofread my communication with Will. Jeremy has been doing that as long as I have been friends with him, so much so that if you ever text with me, there is a 70 percent chance you are actually texting with Jeremy.

prattled on about our backstory as if he were a therapist, not knowing he wanted a succinct answer.