More Than This (More Than, #1)

by Jay McLean

“She’s on the last few chapters of some book she’s been reading. She can’t stay away from it.

Plus, I think he might be stealing, and I don’t want to be an accomplice.

If she needs me, I’ll be there for her.

I honestly don’t want to be without her.

I think I do. Love her, I mean. I think I’m in love with this beautifully broken girl.

And I think, for just a second, that maybe my heart can learn to love again.

It’s at this moment that I know. I don’t just think it anymore—I know it. I love this girl. I’m in love with this girl.

“I am an awesome girlfriend, and some asshole is going to be really lucky one day.” I swear to God I hope that asshole will be me.

If this happens—when this happens—planets are going to collide, and the world around us will probably explode.

“I more-than-a-lot like you.” He’s quiet for so long again that I don’t know if he heard me. Then he says, “I more-than-a-lot like you, too—so much more-than-a-lot.”

“Because I’m your Jake,” he says, “and you’re my Kayla.” He smiles, fishing in his pocket for the piece of paper. Once we’re in the room, he throws it in the trash. He’s my Jake. And I’m his Kayla. I like it. I more-than-a-lot like it—so much more-than-a-lot.

“Maybe you might want a photo with—” “With my family?” I beam through my tears. “I definitely need one of those.”

“I’m thinking that I far from more-than-a-lot like you, Mikayla Jones,” Jake says,

“Mom used to always tell the story when I was little. My friends’ parents would read The Little Mermaid and Snow White to them, but my parents told me my very own fairy tale. That’s what Mom called it—their fairy tale. I believe in it, too—that instant, intense love. It’s fate.”

“It’s just you. It’s only ever been just you. It will always only ever be just you.”

She hasn’t taken her eyes off her book. She and Lucy really are book best friends, whatever the hell that means.

like he wants the world to know I’m his. And I am—his, I mean.

Can you imagine finding someone you can’t keep your hands off of?” He laughs. “Yeah, Kayla, I actually can.” He’s looking straight at me. “Then, like, twenty years from now still feeling the same way? Can you imagine how good that would be?” He’s still staring at me, concentrating on my words. “Yeah, Kayla. I can imagine exactly what it would be like.” His gaze is so intense. Like looking into the sun.

“You guys may laugh now, but I might end up having to do just that,” I say. Jake stops laughing instantly.

She fell in love with it instantly—almost as quickly as I fell in love with her.

And then . . . “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction comes on. My head snaps up. His eyes are wide, a blush creeping to his cheeks. “Holy shit!” I cry out in laughter. “One Direction, Jake? Really? What happened to you in the last two weeks?”

To have to be around the person you love, and not be able to love them, is the hardest thing to do.

I love her so damn much, it hurts.

“You look beautiful this morning.”

“Yeah,” Kayla says. “Her face and conversation say ‘I’m nice enough,’ but her eyes say ‘I have eight dead bodies in the basement!’”

“I swear to God, Micky,” Lucy snarls. Cam’s pretending to hold her back, amused by her drunken state. “I’ll cut a bitch for you. Just let me go, Cam. Let me go!” she yells, trying to fight his grip.

He looks at me like he’s seeing me for the first time and tears pool in his eyes. I have no idea what he’s thinking or feeling, so I spin his cap backwards and take his face in my hands. “What’s going on, Jake?” He clears his throat and looks away. “Jake?” I ask again. He speaks so softly, I almost don’t hear him. “I know we haven’t spoken about it, but things haven’t been the same between us after that night at the bonfire party.” He clears his throat again. “Are you still mine? Are you still my Kayla?” I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t know if I am. But I know I don’t want to be anyone else’s. “If you still want me,” I whisper. He sighs, relieved. “I more-than-a-lot want you.”

“What are you doing? Decoupage?”

“You’re everything to her.”

I would tell you to never settle for anything less than the Jake Andrewses of the world. Because they exist—and not just in fairy tales.

The love that’s so instant and intense and easy, it feels like all the world’s forces collided and fate gave you a push, and you’re there, in front of the person who’s now a part of you. The world spins and your heart explodes, and you want nothing else at all in the entire universe as long as you can be with that one person all the time. When you’re not, you think about him until your mind is consumed, and it’s almost like you’re suffocating and drowning . . . But in a good way, because your love is all around you.

So that when you found your Jake Andrews, you would know. You would know what it feels like to stand in front of your forever.

She’s my everything. And I love her so, so much. Love, Your future brother-in-law (fingers crossed), Jake

I wish the world would leave me alone for just one minute, so I can gather the strength to get up and face it.

I look at him. Really, truly look at him. And I fall in love all over again.

“God, Jake, I more-than-a-lot like you.” “Kayla, I passed that stage a long, long time ago.”

“Did you have a pet kangaroo in Australia?” Kayla asks. I spit out my drink, because it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.

“Jake saw you at your worst. He was there when your life changed and your heart shattered. He was there to help you piece some of it back together. He’s seen it all, Micky. He’s seen you at your worst, and he still fell in love with you—like, truly the forever kind of love with you. And I’m sorry, because I think you’re making a mistake. Maybe you don’t need to be a complete person, or maybe you do. But maybe he’s it—maybe he’s the other half of you.”

I know why it’s called “heartbreak,” because my heart really does feel like it’s physically breaking. I feel every single excruciating bit of pain that comes with it. I feel like I’ve died.

When your heart breaks, and you lose absolutely everything you have left in your life, the only thing you can do is cry.

“Jake, I am so much more-than-a-lot in love with you.”

If I compare my feelings for Jake to my feelings for James, then I know I’ve never loved anyone before. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.

I just don’t think you should let bad people dictate whether you have a good life.

“I so much more-than-a-lot love you, you know that, right?” I nod. I do know. And I so much more-than-a-lot love him, too.