Matchmaking for Beginners

by Maddie Dawson

How many of y’all have souls that have withered in just the last few hours? How many would like to join me in a conga line right out the front door? I know I’d have some takers. My niece would also have me murdered in my bed.

don’t believe in that whole battle metaphor for disease. You always read about that in obituaries, you know—“So and so battled cancer for five years” or worse, “He lost his battle with cancer.”

I wholly agree. Cancer tried to kill me but it wasn’t a fucking battle.

And I just wish to hell that people would stop telling me that all my sucky tragedies are going to turn out to be good things.

“Blixie, I don’t want you to die.”

“However, there’s a stipulation,”

he says, “I just want you to know that losing you was the worst thing that ever happened to me.”

I toy with the idea of dropping my phone in the storm drain.

lololololol we’ve been in one of those conversations!