Everybody, Always: Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People

by Bob Goff

Am I really so insecure that I surround myself only with people who agree with me? When people are flat wrong, why do I appoint myself the sheriff to straighten them out? Burning down others’ opinions doesn’t make us right. It makes us arsonists.

For a long time, I saw Jesus from a distance and thought we’d met. It still happens to me every time I avoid people God made in His own image just because I don’t understand them. My fear of them leaves me only with glimpses of Jesus. What I’ve come to realize is if I really want to “meet Jesus,” then I have to get a lot closer to the people He created. All of them, not just some of them.

Arguments won’t change people. Simply giving away kindness won’t either. Only Jesus has the power to change people, and it will be harder for them to see Jesus if their view of Him is blocked by our big opinions.

We need to love everybody, always. Jesus never said doing these things would be easy. He just said it would work.

Big faith doesn’t need big words. We also don’t need to make faith easier, because it’s not; we need to make it simpler, because it is. Children have mastered what most of us are just beginners at. One of the things about kids, in addition to their simple faith, is they aren’t afraid of the things many of us are afraid of. Their curiosity about what they don’t know outdistances their fears about what they do know by a mile.

Be. Not. Afraid. These words have exactly as much power as we give them in our lives. People who are becoming love experience the same uncertainties we all do. They just stop letting fear call the shots.

Being fearless isn’t something we can decide to be in a moment, but fear can be overcome with time and the right help. We can bring all the game we’ve got, but only Jesus has the power to call out of us the kind of courage it takes to live the life He talked about.

Instead of telling people what they want, we need to tell them who they are. This works every time. We’ll become in our lives whoever the people we love the most say we are.

Telling people what they should want turns us into a bunch of sheriffs. People who are becoming love lose the badge and give away grace instead. Tell the people you meet who they’re becoming, and trust that God will help people to find their way toward beautiful things in their lives without you.

Do lots of that. Find your way back to the people you’ve loved and who have loved you. Figure out who you’ve broken your rhythm with. Don’t let the misunderstanding decide your future. If you lost your way with God, let Him close the distance between you and start the celebration again. We’re all in the same truck when it comes to our need for love and acceptance and forgiveness.

Kingdoms are built from the people up. There’s no set of plans—just Jesus.

It’s easy to agree with what Jesus said. What’s hard is actually doing what Jesus did. For me, agreeing is cheap and obeying is costly. Obeying is costly because it’s uncomfortable. It makes me grow one decision and one discussion at a time. It makes me put away my pride. These are the kinds of decisions that aren’t made once for a lifetime; they’re made thirty seconds at a time.

Be with each other. Don’t just gather information about people who have failed big or are in need—go be with them. When you get there, don’t just be in proximity—be present. Catch them. Don’t try to teach them. There’s a big difference.

We should all have beautiful ambitions for our lives and who we might become, but we also need to sync it up so we’re not fooled into believing we’ve already arrived at a place in our faith we’ve only been thinking about going to someday.

One of Jesus’ friends said if we want to get it right, we need to live a life worthy of the calling we’ve received. The call is to love God and the people around us while we live into the most authentic version of ourselves. We weren’t just an idea God hoped would work out someday. We were one of His most creative expressions of love, ever. Lose the wax. Don’t fake it; sync it up. Go be you.

The next time you’re tempted to boast, just say under your breath, “It’s not about me.” Say it a dozen times a day. Say it a thousand times a month. Say it when you wake up and when you go to sleep. Say it again and again: “It’s not about me. It’s not about me.” Say it when you bless a meal or do something wonderful or selfless or when you help hurting people. Make it your anthem and your prayer.

The promise of love and grace in our lives is this: Our worst day isn’t bad enough, and our best day isn’t good enough. We’re invited because we’re loved, not because we earned it.

God isn’t surprised we want more confirmation. He just hopes we won’t get stuck waiting for it. Who wouldn’t want more green lights? Yet, at some point, we need to stop waiting for permission and go live our lives. God isn’t stingy with His love, and He doesn’t delight in seeing us uncomfortable either. Perhaps we don’t get all the answers and confirmations we ask for because God loves seeing us grow. In the same breath, though, sometimes it’s a good thing to pause. One of the writers in the Bible said to his friends that just because the door was open didn’t mean it was for him to walk through. The difference between a prudent pause and persistent paralysis is a distinction worth knowing.

There are quite a few people who may have bumped into Jesus along the way, but it didn’t stick the first time. It’s not a failed attempt when it happens, just like Jesus didn’t mess up the miracle the first time He touched the guy’s eyes. God wants us to be real with Him about the effect He’s had in our lives. I’ll level with you: if I were the blind guy in the story, I would have been tempted to lie to Jesus after the first touch and tell Him I was healed. You know, just so Jesus wouldn’t look bad. But what Jesus is looking for are honest answers about what’s really going on in our lives, not a bunch of spin. The reason is simple. If the guy without sight had faked it and said he could see everything just fine after the first touch, he wouldn’t have been actually healed.

Get this: Lex went out for the US Paralympic team—and he made it. He can jump farther than just about anyone in the world. Here’s the reason why: people who are becoming love try impossible things because they’ve surrounded themselves with voices they can trust.

wonder if the Bible has so many stories about blind people because many of them are in touch with where they are and what they need. Oftentimes I’m not. I’m learning from Lex the power of keeping track of where I am, figuring out what I need and listening for voices I can trust.

I’ve sometimes thought I’d make a lousy evangelist because I don’t think we lead people to Jesus. I think Jesus leads people to Jesus. Sure, we can tell the people we meet about Jesus. I talk about Him all the time because my life is His, but I don’t try to talk people into Him. When I’ve tried and it worked, what I often found is I’d led people to me, not Him.

When we draw a circle around the whole world like grace did and say everybody is in, God’s love gives us bigger identities than we used to have. With our newer, bigger identities, we can draw even bigger arcs around people’s lives. We start to see that our time here isn’t meant to be spent forming opinions about the people we meet. It’s an opportunity to draw the kind of circles around them that grace has drawn around us, until everybody is on the inside.

We all know people like Walter. People who seem to have all the time in the world for other people. The reason is simple. Walter thinks every needy person he meets is Jesus. People who are becoming love make this look easy.

Is it fair he says mean things to me? Of course not. But here’s what’s changing in me: I don’t want what’s fair anymore. I want to be like Jesus. It’s a distinction worth making.

He gave me one more thing to talk to Jesus about. Jesus doesn’t need our help with the hungry or thirsty or sick or strange or naked or people in jails. I know this, because I asked Him. He wants our hearts. He lets us participate, if we’re willing, so we’ll learn more about how He feels about us and how He feels about the people we may have been avoiding.

He’s more interested in making us grow than having us look finished. He wants me to realize I’m just not quite there yet.

write if I only had six words for my autobiography. Here’s what I came up with: What if we weren’t afraid anymore?

What is it you don’t think you can do? What do you think is too big for you, or too scary, or too risky? Sometimes God whispers it and sometimes He shouts it. Whatever the volume, I bet He’s always using the same three words with us: Be. Not. Afraid.

Our problem following Jesus is we’re trying to be a better version of us, rather than a more accurate reflection of Him. I’ve met very few people who didn’t like Jesus. I mean, who wouldn’t? It’s easy to admire Jesus and think He’s a nice guy. But there’s a big difference between liking Jesus and being like Him, and He said we would never be able to be like Him unless we loved our enemies.

It’s hard to walk with Jesus and run ahead of Him at the same time. Yet I’ve been doing that my whole life. I’ve misunderstood going slow as lacking enthusiasm and going fast as joy. I’ve confused patience as a lack of will and activity as purpose. What I learned from our guide is I could either run fast or get to the top of the mountain. I couldn’t do both. We need to decide the same in our faith. It’s easy to confuse busyness with progress and accomplishments with pleasing Jesus. Every day we get to decide whether we’re really following Jesus or treating Him like He’s just a Sherpa carrying our stuff.

The most important part of our ceremony wasn’t what I said or all the medals. It was what I didn’t say. You see, I didn’t tell Charlie how far he had to go. I said, “Charlie, look how far you’ve come.” People who are becoming love celebrate how far the people around them have come. They’re constantly asking the question, “Where do you want to go?” Then they help the people around them get there.

There is no love without justice, but there is no justice without love.