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straight for the L.A. stereotype.” “What kind of stuff do you write?” Carlos asked Nik. “Lots of entertainment and celebrity-related stuff, and some more newsy journalism occasionally.”
I’m gonna cry WHAT IS THIS CONVERSATION
“Thanks for taking care of our girl until she could get back to us. You are the prince of the day,” Dana said. He and Angie left Nik and her friends to dissect the texts, something he knew women loved to do.
I HATE THIS
“I wasn’t at first. I do live alone—I probably shouldn’t tell you that; you’re still a stranger, but hey, you have a good sister, you can’t be too terrible—and I wasn’t worried at all yesterday. But
HONEY?? WHAT???
“I have a lot of good ones, but my favorite is the kid we nicknamed Santa, because he and his girlfriend tried to hide up the chimney.”
I’m sorry WHAT
He liked the way she concentrated on him when he was talking, like she was really listening to what he had to say. He also liked the way the neckline of her shirt kept dipping lower and lower. He had to force himself to not let his eyes linger for too long on her cleavage.
At this point I am finishing this story out of spite because I want that reading challenge goal and I REFUSE to dnf for this shit
And we’re going to teach you how to punch like a girl. Because you know what?” Beyoncé’s “Run the World (Girls)” suddenly blasted from the invisible speakers in the room, and the whole class jumped, then laughed, then sang along. “That’s right. We run the world, girls. Don’t ever let anyone forget that.” Natalie beamed at them. Nik suddenly noticed the size of her biceps. She had definitely misjudged this woman by her blond hair and cheerful voice, that was for sure.
And then everyone stood up and clapped and it was a very real scenario in real life.
“Exactly! All of the books I have right now are either very smart nonfiction books about very important issues that I would rather jump in front of a moving train than read right now or novels where all of their New York Times reviews said the writing was ‘beautiful,’ and I don’t have the patience for beautiful writing right now. What are you looking for?”
Is this an adult woman talking or a sixth grader...
“They taste like nothing!” Nik said. “They’re just a vehicle for cream cheese frosting, but you can put cream cheese frosting on other cupcakes!”
This is the first intelligent thing the book has said in almost 100 pages and it’s about red velvet.
want you to be the hipsterest hipster in all of Los Angeles if you’re going to bring me baked goods like this.
Send help I want to cry
“The problem is, and the thing that I’d forgotten is . . . making out in cars is really hot.”
Look, I know they’ve been horny most of the book so far but this line sums up the whole cringey makeout fest here, just...wow. Okay. Uh.
“Stronger” by Britney Spears blared out through the speakers. This woman was magic with the music.
Please end my suffering what is this writing
Why was she so emotional tonight? It was probably just because she was about to get her period and was feeling sensitive about everything.
I’m gonna go apeshit
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I know I’m your little sister, but I’m a grown woman. I can put together my own bookshelves or pay someone else to do it. Mama is not a little old lady. She doesn’t need someone to go to the grocery store with her. She goes with you because she likes to spend time with you. We don’t need you to put your life on hold to take care of us. We can take care of ourselves. I’m pretty sure I speak for Mama—and Jessie and Tia Eva—when I say that we want you to be happy, not spending all of your leisure time doing errands for us.”
FINALLY SOMEONE WITH A BRAIN
Without even thinking about it, she took a step back, shifted her weight onto her back heel, pulled her fist back, and punched Fisher right in the face. “Oh wow. It really does hurt your hand,” she said as Fisher writhed on the ground at her feet. A woman walking with a baby stroller stopped next to them. “That was amazing!” she said. “How did you learn to punch like that?” Nik shook out her fingers. The pain was worth it. She grinned at the woman. “Natalie’s Gym, over on Larchmont. It’s fantastic; you should take one of her classes!”
IS THIS A REAL INTERACTION IM?? WHAT????
“My face is my most precious commodity, next to my body. I can’t believe this.”
WHO TALKS LIKE THIS
She texted them the whole story—one-handed—and then, halfway through her gin and tonic, she fell asleep on the couch. She woke up two hours later from a dream about Carlos high-fiving her. When she realized it was just a dream, she started to cry.
I just laughed out loud I’m sorry A HIGH FIVE
She never wanted to stop thinking about him. Wait. Holy shit. Oh no. WAS THIS WHAT LOVE WAS?
Do not do this to me not another TERRIBLE LOVE REALIZATION PLEAAAAAASE
