Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

by Christopher Moore

“Bartholomew says that he knows you are the Messiah.” “The idiot? Did you ask him how long he’s known?” “He says the village dogs told him.” “I never thought to ask the dogs.” “He says that we should live simply, like dogs, carry nothing, no affectations

You pour your lifeblood out into works of stone for Romans who will take your money in taxes to feed soldiers who will nail your people to crosses for wanting to be free. Your back breaks, your bones creak, your wife screeches at you, and your children torment you with open, begging mouths, like greedy baby birds in the nest. You go to bed every night so tired and beaten that you pray to the Lord to send the angel of death to take you in your sleep so you don’t have to face another morning. It also has its downside.”

For it is written that ‘if the wise man always appears stupid, his failures do not disappoint, and his success gives pleasant surprise.’