The Upside of Unrequited

by Becky Albertalli

I’M ON THE TOILET AT the 9:30 Club, and I’m wondering how mermaids pee.

This is already light years better than """"fat amy"""""

I saved a life. Right here in the bathroom of the 9:30 Club.

“It is the awesomest,” I say, and the girl laughs—one of those quiet laughs that bubbles up from your throat. Then I really look at her. And oh. She’s beautiful.

“Thanks for saving my labia.”

AAAAAAA

There’s this feeling I get when I watch people kiss. I become a different form of matter. Like they’re water, and I’m an ice cube. Like I’m the most alone person in the entire world.

couch, watching Steven Universe with Titania,

*whispers* no

“Like the drug,” says Bangs. Like the drug. Like I’m a person you would associate with drugs.

“Uh, I’m sorry boys don’t like me.” “That is such bullshit, Molly. You don’t even talk to them.”

MOOD

I don’t entirely understand how anyone gets a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. It just seems like the most impossible odds.

Patty is one of my moms.

But she leans back, smiling. “I’m actually not hungry.” “Who are you, and what have you done with Cassie?” Nadine asks, eyes narrowing. Cassie laughs

NOT USED TO LOVE AND HAPPINESS AND NORMALITY. ONLY ANGST

Somehow I’m supposed to believe that I’m similar in some meaningful way to every single person born on my birthday. Or every single Sagittarius.

Ok but I'm also a Sagittarius and Molly is Too Relatable

Sorry, but this guy is literally choosing to advertise Lord of the Rings on his body. I don’t think there’s going to be a whole lot of common ground.

Judgmental, but a safe bet. I trust girl nerds way more than guy nerds

Reid doesn’t actually spew the syllables. He’s like the personification of those syllables.

Me tho

wish there were a secret signal you could use to communicate: HELLO. I AM OFFICIALLY COOL WITH SILENCE.

and I’m happy for her, and I’m not jealous. Because that would be shitty. I don’t want to be shitty.

I know it’s not a competition, but I can’t help but feel like I’m falling further and further behind.

A greeting card. This store is essentially Anthropologie’s cooler, hotter big sister, and Reid’s most cherished item is a greeting card.

She's so condescending to him but also mood

“I love not doing work,” I assure him. And it’s true. Not doing much work is my favorite thing. And my other favorite things include: being around a lot of mason jars, rearranging table displays, and teasing geeky boys about their fondness for historical queens.

but if I had to describe the feeling of a crush, I’d say this: you just finished running a mile, and you have to throw up, and you’re starving, but no food seems appealing, and your brain becomes fog, and you also have to pee. It’s this close to intolerable.

Cccccant relate lmao

if she was trying to emulate our moms. He actually used the word emulate. I don’t even want to remember that particular stretch of awkward silence.

There’s so much I don’t know about. And everyone else seems like they were born knowing.

CONDOMS! Twelve ninety-nine! Please place your GIANT BOX OF CONDOMS IN THE BAG. Oh, but your VALUE PACK OF CONDOMS is too big for our sensors. Please wait, and someone will assist you shortly.

About something unrelated to my wasteland of a love life.

I have literally never seen her so bright-eyed. Her hair’s pulled up high on her head, and she’s wearing pink pajama pants, and I’d expect this level of bubbliness from Abby. From Cassie, it’s just weird.

its so cute

“Your bastard children are very happy for you.” “Oh my God! We won’t be bastards anymore,” I say. “Aww, you guys will always be our bastards.”

hdhdbfnjf

you know she’s going to say something racist, and I need to, like, intervene before it happens.” I laugh. “Intervene how?” “I don’t know. Tell her not to say anything racist.” “She’s going to anyway. She’s Grandma.”

Honestly, the secret to impressing people is this: individual portions, packaged in mason jars.

I just feel like I’m a really defective girl in some ways.

I feel happy. And a little lonely. But they’re cute.

Netflix means not having to suck in your stomach or think of anything smart or adorable to say. It means a whole night of not wondering what people think about you. No alcohol, and no flirtation, and no confusion, and every organ calm and settled. Perfect.

That is a thing here: moving platforms decorated to honor decayed perishables.

Ok me too

Either way, I am clearly unfit for human company right now.

Because when a tender moment happens between any two people, I turn into an eleven-year-old boy. It is my most consistent talent.

daughter. Who is actually straight, but Grandma gets thrown off when women have short hair.

You know, when you’re seventeen, everything feels like the end of the world. Or the beginning of the world. And that’s an awesome thing.”

“Oh, we’re sure.” “I need a visual,” he says. I pull out my phone. And then I text him the link to “Let Me Google That for You.” He stops walking to check my text.

thats. embarrassing. that gag only works online

sometimes. I get locked into a cycle of not speaking. It’s like every time I think of something awesome to say, I rehearse it in my head so many times, I forget whether I’ve said it out loud yet.

“Uh-uh. What has gotten into you?” Nadine stands. But I’m too far gone to stop. “Into me? Literally nothing. Nothing’s gotten into me. Nothing happens to me. So maybe you should talk to Cassie. Maybe you should ask her what an orgasm feels like.” Cassie gapes at me. “Are you kidding me?”

What the fuck, Molly.

OKAY, IS FUCKING EVERYONE INTO PHOTOGRAPHY THESE DAYS?

Molly quit being such a fuckin baby challenge

Making me fall this hard. Not falling for me back. But all I can think about right now is Olivia. Her audacity, calling Xav by his family nickname. Holding him in her lap and painting with him. That’s supposed to be my thing. And the fact that she’s sitting here making centerpieces for my parents’ wedding. Not even asking if I was cool with it. Not even caring that I have an actual design vision for this wedding.

God shut UP molly

He hangs up. And it’s like some kind of dam bursts inside of me. I flop backward on my bed, and I just start sobbing. I sob until I can barely catch my breath.

So many problems could be avoided if Molly were honest and thinking about someone other than herself lol

Abby shakes her head. “Yeah, so this one and his boyfriend just spent two hours arguing about whether I’m a Gryffindor or a Hufflelump.” “Hufflelump?” Simon covers his face. “I can’t. Jesus Christ. Abby, you’re embarrassing yourself.

More embarrassing to be obsessed with Harry Potter in 2018

A perfect fall outfit. In July. It’s just going to have to fucking be this way.

Ah, mood