The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself, Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness

by Ichiro Kishimi

For the sake of convenience, up to this point I have discussed self-acceptance, confidence in others and contribution to others, in that order. However, these three are linked as an indispensable whole, in a sort of circular structure. It is because one accepts oneself just as one is—one self-accepts—that one can have ‘confidence in others’ without the fear of being taken advantage of. And it is because one can place unconditional confidence in others, and feel that people are one’s comrades, that one can engage in ‘contribution to others’. Further, it is because one contributes to others that one can have the deep awareness that ‘I am of use to someone,’ and accept oneself just as one is. One can self-accept. The notes you took down the other day, do you have them with you? YOUTH: Oh, you mean that note on the objectives put forward by Adlerian psychology? I’ve kept it on me ever since that day, of course. Here it is: ‘The two objectives for behaviour: to be self-reliant and to live in harmony with society. The two objectives for the psychology that supports these behaviours: the consciousness that I have the ability and the consciousness that people are my comrades.’ PHILOSOPHER: If you overlap the content of this note with what we have just been discussing, you should be able to gain a deeper understanding. In other words, ‘to be self-reliant’ and ‘the consciousness that I have the ability’ corresponds to our discussion of self-acceptance. And then ‘to live in harmony w...