The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself, Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness

by Ichiro Kishimi

People who are incapable of carrying out the separation of tasks, and who are obsessed with the desire for recognition are also extremely self-centred. YOUTH: Why is that? PHILOSOPHER: Consider the reality of the desire for recognition. How much do others pay attention to you, and what is their judgement of you? That is to say, how much do they satisfy your desire? People who are obsessed with such a desire for recognition will seem to be looking at other people, while they are actually only looking at themselves. They lack concern for others, and are concerned solely with the ‘I’. Simply put, they are self-centred. YOUTH: So, would you say that people like me, who fear being judged by others, are self-centred, too? Even though I try so hard to be mindful of others and adjust myself to them? PHILOSOPHER: Yes. In the sense that you are concerned solely with the ‘I’, you are self-centred. You want to be thought well of by others, and that is why you worry about the way they look at you. That is not concern for others. It is nothing but attachment to self.