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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Alison Green
Read between
May 25 - June 6, 2019
Surprisingly often, the answers to the questions that my letter writers ask come down to this: Speak up. That’s often all that’s needed—a conversation.
A slightly sneakier way of tipping off your manager about a problem with a coworker is to ask for advice about dealing with that problem. That way you’re alerting her to what’s happening without having to worry that you’re coming across as a complainer.
“I realized that I wasn’t totally sure what you meant when you said X earlier.” If
“If I were going to pick one thing to work on improving, what would you like to see me focus on?”
“I’m not sure the framework I’m using is the most effective one. Could I run through it for you and get your input on how to strengthen it?”
For example, if your boss is concerned that you’re not always getting back to coworkers immediately, but your understanding was that he wanted you prioritizing customer calls, you could say: • “I definitely see what you’re saying. I was thinking that I should always prioritize calls from customers over anything else, and sometimes that means a delay in responding internally. Is that not the right way to approach it?” The key point here is not to argue with your manager’s viewpoint; you’re simply sharing yours and asking with genuine openness whether you should be looking at the situation
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“I need to tell you about a problem with the newsletter that just went out. I realized this morning that one of the numbers in the lead article was wrong. This was my fault—I thought I’d fact-checked everything before it was finalized, but I missed this one. I’ve been pulled in a bunch of directions this week, and I rushed the newsletter process more than I should have. I’m drafting a correction to run by you, and I’m making a checklist to use in the future to make sure I don’t skip any steps. If I’d done that this time, I don’t think this would have happened. I’m really sorry about this!”
“I don’t want to get sidetracked by that question because the real issue is the pay disparity. For the purpose of this conversation, can we address that?”
“I’m sorry, this is hitting me hard for some reason. Would you mind if I step out for a minute to get a drink of water?”
“I want to let you know that I’m dealing with some difficult things in my personal life right now. I’m doing my best to keep it from affecting my work, but I wanted you to know what’s going on in case you notice I seem a little off.”
Coworker monopolizes meetings
“I feel good about how I’m handling this, but I’ll let you know if I end up needing input.”
“Your perfume is lovely, but it seems to be triggering my allergies and giving me headaches. I’m so sorry to ask, but would you be willing to leave it off at the office?”
“I was so sorry to hear about your mom. What a terrible loss. I wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you and your family.”
her: “I don’t think I’d be a great reference since I wasn’t in a position to really see your work the way a manager would.”
“We’ve talked a few times recently about how I need you to do a better job of following through on assignments and making sure that nothing slips through the cracks, but it’s still happening. It’s become a pattern, and I’m concerned because really tight follow-through is crucial for success in this job. Can we talk about what you think has been happening and what you can do differently going forward?”
“I hear you that it’s a lot of work and it can be a challenge to keep everything moving, but I do need this role to juggle a high volume of work. My sense is that we could be turning around X much more quickly and hitting higher numbers on Y.”
Ask how the person will avoid similar mistakes in the future: “What are your thoughts about what you could have done differently, and what you’ll do differently in the future?”
“I heard you say something earlier that concerned me. I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way, but saying ____ comes across as if you mean ____.”
“I’ll do my best to keep what you tell me off the record, but I want to be transparent that without hearing what you want to say, I can’t promise you complete confidentiality. It’s possible that I could end up being obligated to share it. But if that happens, I will make sure that you don’t suffer any repercussions for coming to me about it.”
If you catch an employee in a lie that isn’t job-ending, say something like this: • “I’m very concerned that you told me that Olive knew you’d be out yesterday and was fine with covering for you, when she actually didn’t know anything about it. What happened?”
“I appreciate your raising this, and I’d like to take some time to consider it. I’m going to give it some thought and will get back to you by the end of this week.”
“Today was Clea’s last day, and we wish her the best. We’re going to launch a search for a replacement right away, but until that person is hired, Jordan will be temporarily handling her projects.”
“When I left my last job, I was lucky enough to be in a position where I didn’t need to find another job right away. So I spent a few months traveling and thinking about what I want to do next, and I’m taking my time and being very selective about the jobs I apply for. I’m interested in this one because…”
“I took a couple of years off from accounting after having my daughter, but I’m itching to return to work. When I found myself reading about tax law changes as a leisure activity, I knew it was time to get back to work.”
The keys to talking about a firing with your interviewer are: • Be calm. Make sure that you don’t sound defensive or bitter, because if the situation still sounds emotional for you, that’s going to be a red flag for your interviewer. You want to sound as if you’ve learned from what happened and have moved forward. • Be concise. This is crucial! Your interviewer is really only looking for a few sentences about what happened, not expecting a detailed account of what went down. • Practice your answer ahead of time. Firing can be awkward to talk about. Practicing out loud makes it more likely that
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“I was fired. That’s on me—I took a job with a heavy coding component, and I’m not an experienced coder. I thought I’d be able to get up to speed quickly enough, but I underestimated how much I’d need to learn. They made the right call, and I was relieved to be able to go back to focusing on design work.” • “It ended up being a bad fit. They were looking for design expertise when I’m really a copywriter, not a designer. Ultimately we agreed that it didn’t make sense for me to be in that role.” 13. Explaining why
Be direct. Don’t expect people to read your mind and then stew when they don’t. Do yourself and the other person the favor of speaking up when you’re hoping someone will do something differently. Candor, as long as it’s mixed with kindness, will usually lead you someplace good.
