The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love

by Sonya Renee Taylor

Natural intelligence intends that every living thing become the highest form of itself and designs us accordingly.”2 In a single sentence, all in me that felt nameless was named. We have a dictionary full of terms describing our interpretation of natural intelligence. We sometimes call it purpose; other times, destiny.

Radical self-love is not a destination you are trying to get to; it is who you already are, and it is already working tirelessly to guide your life.

Too often, self-acceptance is used as a synonym for acquiescence. We accept the things we cannot change. We accept death because we have no say over its arbitrary and indifferent arrival at our door. We have personal histories of bland acceptance. We have accepted lackluster jobs because we were broke. We have accepted lousy partners because their lousy presence was better than the hollow aloneness of their absence. We practice self-acceptance when we have grown tired of self-hatred but can’t conceive of anything beyond a paltry tolerance of ourselves.

What a thin coat to wear on this weather-tossed road. Famed activist and professor Angela Davis said, “I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.”

Our own radical self-love reconnection is the blueprint for what author Charles Eisenstein calls The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know Is Possible.

Radical self-love is about the self because the self is part of the whole. And therefore, radical self-love is the foundation of radical human love.

On some cellular level, we know our bodies are not something we should apologize for. After all, they are the only way we get to experience this ridiculous and radiant life.

We must make peace with not understanding. Understanding is not a prerequisite for honor, love, or respect. I know very little about the stars, but I honor their beauty.

Contrary to common opinion, freeing ourselves from the need to understand everything can bring about a tremendous amount of peace.

Health is not a state we owe the world. We are not less valuable, worthy, or loveable because we are not healthy.

Seeing difference as synonymous with danger is an aspect of our social evolution that can and should be shifted. But we must grapple with difference. Our attempts to mute it reinforce the idea that difference is inherently bad.

Radical Reflection Avoid meta-shame, which is shame for having so much shame. Take a deep breath of kindness for yourself and your history of body shame/shaming. We can only do what we know. As famed poet Maya Angelou says, “When we know better, we do better.” We can do better by giving ourselves more love.

“A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty but an obsession about female obedience. Dieting is the most potent political sedative in history. A quietly mad population is a tractable one.”31

Say it again, for the folks in the bleachers: You are not your thoughts! That said, avoiding your thoughts will not help you train your brain to think new ones. You must look at them with gentle kindness and say, “Thank you for sharing.“ And with love, release them.

We are not either/or beings; we comprise a multitude of grey shades. Inviting love into our contradictions and uncertainties takes a wrecking ball to those concrete slabs of separation, giving us much more space to decorate with love.

There has never been a more perfect time to lean into the discomfort and fear. Remember, most of the fear is just fog. It is difficult to deeply love a stranger. Familiarity breeds fondness.

“If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. If you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”

Have compassion for and honor people’s varied journeys. Not everyone has read the books you’ve read or had the experiences you’ve had. There was a time when you had not had them either. Our journeys are unique and varied. Compassion births patience.

Good questions get us to good answers.