Pygmalion

by George Bernard Shaw

DOOLITTLE [to PICKERING]. I thank you, Governor. [To HIGGINS, who takes refuge on the piano bench, a little overwhelmed by the proximity of his visitor; for DOOLITTLE has a professional flavor of dust about him.] Well, the truth is, I’ve taken a sort of fancy to you, Governor; and if you want the girl, I’m not so set on having her back home again but what I might be open to an arrangement. Regarded in the light of a young woman, she’s a fine handsome girl. As a daughter she’s not worth her keep; and so I tell you straight. All I ask is my rights as a father; and you’re the last man alive to expect me to let her go for nothing; for I can see you’re one of the straight sort, Governor. Well, what’s a five pound note to you? And what’s Eliza to me? [He returns to his chair and sits down judicially.] PICKERING. I think you ought to know, Doolittle, that Mr. Higgins’s intentions are entirely honorable. DOOLITTLE. Course they are, Governor. If I thought they wasn’t, I’d ask fifty. HIGGINS [revolted]. Do you mean to say, you callous rascal, that you would sell your daughter for 50 pounds? DOOLITTLE. Not in a general way I wouldn’t; but to oblige a gentleman like you I’d do a good deal, I do assure you. PICKERING. Have you no morals, man? DOOLITTLE [unabashed]. Can’t afford them, Governor. Neither could you if you was as poor as me. Not that I mean any harm, you know. But if Liza is going to have a bit out of this, why not me too? HIGGINS [troubled]. I don’t know what to do, Picker...