Breakfast of Champions
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4%
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national anthem which was gibberish sprinkled with question marks.
4%
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Not even the President of the United States knew what that was all about. It was as though the country were saying to its citizens, “In nonsense is strength.”
5%
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Actually, millions of human beings were already living full and imaginative lives on the continent in 1492. That was simply the year in which sea pirates began to cheat and rob and kill them.
13%
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His high school was named after a slave owner who was also one of the world’s greatest theoreticians on the subject of human liberty.
24%
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Sometimes they even stuffed bad chemicals up their assholes. Their assholes looked like this:
Wolfe Chuck
Kv's asshole
52%
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He was a graduate of West Point, a military academy which turned young men into homicidal maniacs for use in war.
Wolfe Chuck
Uh hu
66%
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a stranger in a strange land.
69%
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Yeast organisms ate sugar and excreted alcohol. They killed themselves by destroying their own environment with yeast shit.
69%
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Kilgore Trout once wrote a short story which was a dialogue between two pieces of yeast. They were discussing the possible purposes of life as they ate sugar and suffocated in their own excrement. Because of their limited intelligence, they never came close to guessing that they were making champagne.