How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety

by Ellen Hendriksen

Ongoing silence weighs a person down like a slowly accumulating pile of bricks in the lap.

Your true self is the self that emerges when you are with close friends, trusted family, or in blissful solitude.

Anxiety is rooted in uncertainty, and what’s more uncertain than modern communication?

while avoidance offers immediate relief, it’s almost always followed by a bitter aftertaste of guilt, shame, disappointment, or frustration.

Social Anxiety is the fear of being scrutinized, judged, and found lacking in social or performance situations that gets in the way of doing the things you want or need to do.

Loneliness is a perception: you can feel connected even when alone or desperately lonely even when surrounded by people.

“I wish these words of mine reached every nook and corner of the land.”

To know, deep in your heart, that you are fine just as you are, even in the moments when anxiety might try to convince you otherwise.

“The point is that you’re comfortable with yourself and you make people around you feel comfortable. They feel they can talk to you. That’s your superpower.”

you grow and practice and challenge yourself, you won’t notice your anxiety changing in real time.

behavioral inhibition is a defined personality trait, at the heart of which lies an individual’s degree of caution when faced with new people, places, and events.

Too much is way better than too little.

introversion is your way; social anxiety gets in your way.

“Genes, culture, time, and luck make us who we are.”

Life, as they say, is in the details.

Whatever your fear, it boils down to one thing: I am not good enough.

It’s a vicious cycle: by focusing on the stuff we think went wrong, we conclude, as Loren said, we’re not good at this stuff, which just restarts the dread next time around.

even if your worries seem overwhelming, you can cope with pretty much anything life throws at you, from curveballs to screwballs to a few dates with oddballs.

Self-compassion is about creating that same sort of supportive, kind, encouraging environment from which you can gather the courage to choose wisely.

mindfulness is not your actual thoughts or experience. Rather, it is a method for watching your thoughts and experience. It is the realization: Oh, I’m thinking X, I’m hearing Y, I notice Z.

we don’t have to wait until we feel like doing something before we do it. Instead, we start doing it, and the feeling will catch up.

fear is a prerequisite to bravery. True bravery is being afraid and doing it anyway.

Not only does emotion affect the body; the body also affects emotion.

Act as if you were not anxious, drop your safety behaviors, and not only will you feel better; you’ll also get a better response.

affirm your truths. Affirm the times you did the right thing. Remind yourself of your best and your best will show up.

“Good exposures set in motion a success spiral.”

Move forward by living your life.

Once you identify your safety behaviors, you can let them go.

a 2013 study showed that those who experience higher levels of FOMO also reported lower levels of overall life satisfaction.

JOMO is the deliberate choice to enjoy the moment one is actually in.

constant stream of technological connection makes people crave and value space, so a deliberate decision to stay home with a book, to cuddle with your sweetheart instead of painting the town, or to simply have a cup of tea and go to bed early can be a perfect antidote for the perfectionistic pull of constant social connection.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy.

a lame conversation doesn’t mean you’re lame.

Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.

“When You Care Enough to Send the Very Best.”