How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety

by Ellen Hendriksen

A good therapist is like a good bra: they’ll both push you and support you into the best shape possible.

long term, avoidance is disastrous. It is enemy number one of emotional well-being and perpetuates all anxieties, not just social. For social anxiety to become a problem, genetics and learning aren’t enough—the anxiety has to grow and be carefully maintained. Avoidance does just that, and does it perfectly.

Social anxiety isn’t just fear of judgment; it’s fear the judgers are right. We think there is something wrong with us, and we avoid in order to conceal it. In our minds, if The Reveal comes to pass we’ll be rejected, humiliated, or exposed.

You’ll feel less anxious by living your life.”

Ultimately, social anxiety is the fear that whatever we’re trying to hide will be revealed to everyone like a gust of wind sweeps away a bad toupee. We think there is something wrong with us and therefore try to conceal it.

Whatever your fear, it boils down to one thing: I am not good enough. And furthermore, everyone will see.

When _____________________________________, (SOCIAL SITUATION WHERE I FEEL ANXIOUS) it will become obvious that I am ______________________________________ (WHAT MY INNER CRITIC SAYS IS WRONG WITH ME). Now take your feared consequence and ask: “How bad would that really be?” Is this truly a disaster of epic proportions? Really? If you’ve already talked yourself down to less-than-disastrous proportions, you can go right to “How could I cope?” If not, ask, “What are the odds?” What’s more realistic? What is more likely to happen? And finally, “How could I cope?” Think of all the resources you could gather: family, friends, self-care, health insurance, gummy bears; pull out all the stops here!