How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety

by Ellen Hendriksen

One way is to play a game with yourself. When you’re out and about, count how many people you see wearing glasses. Then count how many people are wearing earbuds. Or count how many people have facial hair. The counting is conscious, but it unconsciously teaches you to shift your attention to faces. In the end, the number of glasses, earbuds, or mustaches you count doesn’t matter, but the fact that you’re looking at human faces matters a lot. This will feel weird at first. Looking directly at people, even if they’re not looking back, might seem odd. But keep going. I do this myself when I’m in a crowded subway car, at the mall, or on the playground with my kids after school. When I deliberately look at faces, I feel more grounded and relaxed. It turns my attention outward, which gives me accurate information about what’s happening—I’m surrounded by bored commuters, weary shoppers, or energetic kids. As one of my clients, Anthony, exclaimed after we stood on a subway platform for an hour of looking at faces, “But wait, these are just people!”