How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety

by Ellen Hendriksen

To have the best shot at friendship, she needs to see a steady drumbeat of the same faces—the same people, regularly. That rules out most come-and-go situations like the gym but rules in specific gym classes where the same core people show up every week. It rules out onetime events or drop-in meetups where the people change constantly but rules in, say, dog parks at a consistent time of day. Classes can work, but only if they’re interactive, like tango or a writer’s workshop, not lecture-style. Forget about social media, bars, or clubs—here people bring the friends they already have and hang out together—the group is closed unless you’re trying to pick someone up. When you’re starting out, the best strategy is to join a ready-made community open to others: an ultimate frisbee team, a running group, a bike polo team, a choral group, community theater, a church group, and yes, a book club.