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Once papers were signed, people seemed to give up. It was a strange sort of magic
what kind of turns did a life have to take before you discovered that your personal gift from the universe was making carnivorous tattoos
Starting the year off with a Kingfisher and I am pleased to see that was no mistake.
He’s got a heart of gold…cold, metallic, and made of money.
I must believe that the gods do not send us trials that we cannot endure. It would have been easier to believe that if he hadn’t seen so many people broken by the trials they had endured
“I could dress you up as a really big leper,” she said. “Or put you in a packing crate and arrange for delivery during a service. That’s about as much as I’ve got in the way of disguises.” “I thought…perhaps a large hat
“Have you ever considered giving up killing people and becoming a tailor?” “Oh, yes.” “And?” “I don’t like people unless I’m stabbing them
Slate had remembered that horses had been very, very large when she was a girl, but she had secretly hoped that this was because she had been so small by comparison. Unfortunately, either horses had grown or she hadn’t
It held a bed big enough for one person, assuming they slept in fetal position.
Learned Edmund is apparently afraid that if he sleeps on your floor, your feminine exhalations will cause his genitals to wither and his bowels to turn to water. That’s a direct quote, by the way
If he was in charge, he’d say no, but because he isn’t, he gets to ask
Slate fought back an urge to ask how his bowels and genitals were doing.
Somehow that was cheering. Not because she wished him ill, but because there are few things in life as steadying as someone you have to be brave for
Caliban, however, took the view that when something impossible was going on, it was best to deal with it as you found it, and not stand around claiming it wasn’t happening
“I’m a gnole.” “What’s a gnole?” “One of me!
Ohemgee gnoles yay!
Oh my god, they’re really doing it. They’re really going to have a goddamn dick-measuring contest right here in the woods with a bunch of murderous deer-people after us
Was that a joke? Good lord, if he develops a working sense of humor, I’ll start to worry he got possessed again when we weren’t looking
They were sitting around the fire. Grimehug was stretched out full-length on his back, looking like a hearthrug designed by incompetent weavers. Brenner was sharpening his knives. Caliban was oiling his scabbard. Slate was starting to feel a little uncomfortable with all the small deadly noises going on to either side of her, and was wishing she had a harmonica just to drown them out
Ladies and gentlemen, T. Kingfisher.
“Well…we should never assign to malice what we can assign to our incompetence
Learned Edmund is growing on me.
“the thing with the paladin and the ninja accountant
