The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives

by William Stixrud

We strongly support music training for kids, in part because there are few things that are better for the developing brain. At the same time, Bill has always been grateful to his own parents for letting him quit piano lessons in third grade—and not ruining music for him. Bill’s parents could tell that he had some musical ability and were willing to get him the instrument he wanted to play (the accordion—don’t ask), but they insisted that he first demonstrate that he could practice regularly on the piano that the family already had. Because Bill was pretty good at picking out tunes by ear, he chafed at being required to read music, and asked to quit after about four months of lessons, to which his parents agreed. Six years later, when the Beatles came to America, Bill took electric bass lessons and organ lessons and taught himself to play guitar—all in order to play the music he wanted to play. Today Bill still plays in a rock band and spends a fair amount of time every week playing and singing—much more so than most of his friends who were “made” to practice as children. He has also followed many kids who quit their lessons with their parents’ blessing and later passionately took up the same instrument or another one when they didn’t feel forced. The fact is that many kids love to play an instrument, practice independently, and experience playing in the school band or orchestra as the most enjoyable thing in their life. Many other kids are willing to go along with practici...