The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives

by William Stixrud

authoritative parenting. This entails being supportive, but not controlling. Authoritative parents want their kids to cooperate because they like and respect them, and want kids to learn from their own experiences. At least sixty years of research has validated the fact that authoritative parenting is the most effective approach.2 It emphasizes self-direction and values maturity over obedience. It’s a style that sends the message, “I am going to do everything I can to help you be successful, but I’m not going to try to force you to do things because I say so.” Authoritative parents don’t give their children free rein. They enforce limits, and say when they don’t feel right about something, but they are not controlling. With authoritative parenting, the child’s developing brain doesn’t spend enormous amounts of energy resisting what’s often in their own best interest.