The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives

by William Stixrud

So when you see an eight-year-old highly focused on building a Lego castle, lips pressed in concentration, what she is actually doing is getting her brain used to being motivated. She is conditioning her brain to associate intense enjoyment with highly focused attention, practice, and hard work. Just as frequent exposure to high levels of stress can sculpt a young brain in ways that are unhealthy, frequent exposure to states of flow can sculpt a young brain to be motivated and focused. Researcher Reed Larson has studied the development of motivation in children and teens, and he’s found flow to be the secret sauce.7 In interpreting the results of Larson’s results, the great neuroscientist Marian Diamond concluded that, “while ‘wrapped up’ in a favorite pastime, children report feeling excited and forgetting their problems. The high internal motivation accompanying those feelings is a form of reinforcement for directed effort, learning, and accomplishment that can’t be achieved in any other way as successfully.”8 Think of it like cross-training. Maybe what you ultimately want is a kid who has the mental and leg strength to run a marathon, but playing jump rope or hopscotch is a great way to get those legs primed and ready.