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God is bigger than religion.
not being controlled by possessions is a step to spiritual freedom, the kind of freedom that most people say they want.
the more you stop buying stuff you don’t need, and the more you get rid of items you don’t use, the more you can simplify your life. And the more you simplify, the freer you will feel, and be.
1. The consumer culture is primarily individualistic, with people pursuing private goals over more communal ones. In a competitive environment, it’s everyone for himself or herself.
when you judge yourself solely by these measures, you become a “human doing” rather than a “human being.”
Power often is exercised to keep the lower groups dependent or disorganized or ignorant.
Simple living is not a punishment, but a move toward greater freedom.
Ignatius insisted that the Jesuits in training take adequate care of their health in order that they might be able to carry on their work. “A proper concern with the preservation of one’s health and bodily strength for the divine service,”
But it is an invitation to freedom, not to guilt.
First, get rid of whatever you don’t need. It’s the obvious first step to simplifying.
Second, distinguish between wants and needs. Is it “nice to have” or “need to have”?
You’ll also feel better if you avoid unnecessary purchases—lighter, healthier, freer. Go on a buying diet.
Poverty of spirit means accepting that we are powerless to change certain aspects of our lives.
Poverty of spirit also means accepting that everyone will face disappointments, pain, suffering, and, eventually, death.
Poverty of spirit does not take away joy in life. Quite the contrary. It is the gateway to joy, because it enables us to surrender to ultimate reliance on God, which leads to freedom.
is a practical stance that reminds you that you can’t do everything. Many things are not within your power to change. Some things, outside of your control, need to be left to God.
Diligence can degenerate into a subtle form of pride. “Look how busy I am—I’m so important!” Or “Everything depends on me!” Poverty of spirit reminds you that there is only so much that you can do.
Let me have too deep a sense of humor ever to be proud. Let me know my absurdity before I act absurdly. Let me realize that when I am humble I am most human, most truthful, and most worthy of your serious consideration. —Daniel Lord, S.J. (1888–1955)
living as a chaste person means that our “external expressions” of sexuality will be “under the control of love, with tenderness and full awareness of the other.”
One of the main goals of chastity is to love as many people as possible as deeply as possible.
We’re not attached to one person or to a family, so it’s easier for us to move to another assignment. As the Jesuit Constitutions says, chastity is “essentially apostolic.” It is supposed to help us become better “apostles.”
So chastity is about both love and freedom.
the goal of life, whether single, married, or religious, is to love.
Chastity also helps other people feel safe. People know that you’ve made a commitment to love them in a way that precludes using them, or manipulating them, or spending time with them simply as a means to an end. It gives people a space to relax. As a result, people can often feel freer with their own love.
As in other situations, I realized I was there not just to give love but to receive it. When the show closed, I recognized that I was also called not to hold on to their love. While I hoped that some of us would remain friends afterward (and we have), I knew I couldn’t “possess” anyone’s love. It had to be freely given and freely received.
This may be one of the greatest gifts that the chaste person can offer: showing not only that there are many ways to love, but that loving a person freely, without clinging to him or her, is a gift to both the lover and the beloved.
The key is understanding your governing desire, as well as honoring your original commitment.
“Whenever I speak to young Jesuits about chastity, I begin by saying that chastity means you will never be the most important person in anyone’s life.
That means spending time with the students, taking an interest in who they are and what they do, going to the games, and getting to know their families. These things take up time that he would rightfully want to give to his family, were he married.
love freely. One of the hardest parts of love is this: allowing the other to love you as he or she can, not as you want to be loved.
the early Jesuits found their friendships to be a “secure base,” a safe place that enabled them to enjoy their lives and complete their work, rather than worry about the relationship too much.
it is not surprising that in his study on Jesuit friendship, Charles Shelton, the Jesuit psychologist, lists possessiveness as the first barrier to healthy friendship.
Part of friendship is also giving the other person the freedom to grow and change.
“The danger is that because people will move, or leave, or even die, you are tempted not to give your heart to people.”
Healthy friendships outside a marriage help husbands and wives in their own relationship.
when work is so overwhelming that you are unable to sustain friendships, your life becomes impoverished, though you may be working to get richer.
Here the tendency is to focus too much on the friendship, focusing obsessively on the feelings that arise and analyzing every slight and comment.
Shelton also warns against impairing relationships, which encourage unhealthy or destructive behavior, like alcoholism or drug abuse.
And, said Dave, the times when you are most tempted to neglect friendships, which can move you toward loneliness, are precisely when you most need to care for yourself by nourishing those relationships.
the “work” of friendship includes taking initiatives. “It’s easy to say you want to see one another,” he said, “but just as easy to let things slide. Friendships can die through attrition if you don’t take the initiative.”
“My friends are those with whom I can be myself: they know my baggage and limitations. They also appreciate my strengths—perhaps more than I do.
“Having more compassion for myself,” says George, “allows me to have more compassion for friends.”
Listening attentively and compassionately to my fellow novices also helped me feel less crazy. Until then, I assumed that everyone led healthy and integrated lives. Except me—or so I thought.
all of us are more complex than our surface appearance indicates.
compassion is the willingness to enter into the “chaos” of another person’s life.
some of the most painful moments in the lives of friends and families—illness, divorce, death, worries about their children, financial problems—we usually cannot work miracles. Sometimes our efforts do effect change, but sometimes they do not.
