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To the voyagers, looking for answers in the shadows of the darkest of nights. May the promise of the sun on the horizon always bring you back home.
“Life isn’t supposed to be safe,” she added with a laugh. “If it was, they wouldn’t call it living. They’d just call it existing. And you’ve existed long enough, baby girl. It’s time to live.”
I think I knew, even then, that the greatest adventure of my life was about to begin.
“And I don’t want to die before I’ve even had the chance to live.”
Our imperfections brought us together — her speech, my leg — and without her friendship, I wouldn’t have made it through high school.
“She was quiet, and kind. She listened a lot, not just to people but to the world around her.” He looked at me then. “You remind me of her.”
The way I saw it, life was too short, too delicate to spend time and energy being miserable.
“And for the record, you’re not stupid for having dreams and taking crazy risks just to see if you can make them happen.” He swallowed. “You’re brave. And you’re living. That’s more than most people can say.”
This is the stuff life is made of. Don’t blink, or you’ll miss it,
“Well, losing a limb isn’t something you should be ashamed of, my dear. You’re beautiful and you’ve got a good spirit about you. I don’t know what happened, but you should show that scar off with pride. Most people wouldn’t be such a ray of light after something like that.”
“What’s your favorite book?” It was my turn to laugh. “You can’t just have one favorite book. That’s like me asking you to choose a favorite arm.”
“I don’t know. I want someone I can laugh with, and go on adventures with. Someone who will challenge me to be better but also support me when I’m weak. I want someone who shares their deepest fears with me, shows me their scars willingly — someone who trusts me to heal them, just as I trust them.” I bit my lip. “And I want to feel a rush every time our skin touches. I want to lose entire afternoons with them under the covers. I want someone who I can’t wait to share good news with, and someone who I know will hold me when the bad news comes.”
“I want that kind of love that leaves you breathless when it hits you, and makes you want to throw up at the thought of losing it. The kind that makes you so happy that it hurts at the same time, like it’s painful to think that out of all the people in the world, you somehow found the one meant for you.”
“Kalos is a Greek term for astounding beauty, inside and out. I read once that there isn’t an English word that can be used as a synonym, because of the level of beauty the word is said to describe. I liked that, a word that didn’t have an equivalent. I liked that only one culture took the time to give that kind of beauty a name.”
“It’s about growing together. Changing. And figuring life out along the way,”
He kissed me like it was a privilege, like he didn’t want to rush, like we had forever.
“Sometimes, we have to trust the ones we love, the ones who love us, even when it’s hard to do.” Her eyes skirted to my tent, to the journal, before they found mine. “Because even though marriage brings us together as a unit, there are still two individuals who make that whole. And they need to be able to have their own things, their own time, their own privacy.”
“This does not mean change who you are — because you should never change, not for anyone, least of all a guy.
It was my moment, one meant for no one else, and for the first time, I felt alive — truly, one-hundred percent alive.
“I wanted to tell you, though, because sometimes I’m okay, and sometimes I’m not. And honestly, I don’t really have an answer for why some days differ from others.
“I love the way you see life,” Emery said, his eyes on me instead of the sunset. “It’s like nothing has ever disappointed you, like you don’t have a reason to believe it ever would.”
“Without the cards, I can still see your strength, your spirit, your light. Hold onto that, onto the person you are inside, and you’ll be okay.”
I was wide awake, and I never wanted to sleepwalk through life again.
“You’re the first person to do that. You’re the first person to make me feel alive, Cooper. In a long time.” He shrugged. “Maybe ever.”
“I think when we let go of the materialistic shit we think we need, the stuff we grew up looking for because we thought happiness existed under their price tag, that’s when we start living a better life. A free, meaningful existence.”
It isn’t death that’s scary. It’s living without actually living at all, breathing without purpose, existing without essence.
I could feel him, his soul tethered to mine, stretching across the distance. That pull, that string pulled taut was my only comfort.
“I fell in love with you. I fell in love with every dark shadow, with every scar, every flaw, every smile and every scowl. Your journal had nothing to do with that. I fell in love with you.”
but I promised myself that day we walked down the hike from Palouse Falls that I would spend every day of my fucking life working to become the man who deserved her, the man she’d dreamed of, the man I wanted to be.
